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give me more

 It has occurred to me that every time i started talking to a new guy i would develop new interests.  HOWEVER, the older i get the more i gravitate towards men who share the interests i already have.

Reading

Music

Thrifting

Creating

Food

Movies

Thats pretty much it in a nutshell.  I'd go crazy if i couldn't read.  I've been trying to be consistent in writing even though it's not about anything in particular.  More of a free flow to keep my brain oiled.  I don't have the kind of stories i read...in my head.  I could never create a fictional world and people.  I'm not that open minded which i think you would need to be in order to consider the scenarios that keep me glued to the page.

I value other peoples talent because i know i lack it.

I can't play any musical instruments, and i sure as HELL can't sing.......yet i can't live without music.  Every day.  Always different depending on the mood.  When i find a "new"band that has been around for 15 years it tickles me.  i'm always behind.  but i catch up.  All of a sudden i'm streaming Violent Femmes like they just appeared.  I think certain music comes to you when you need it.  Your subconscious picks up on it and you finally take notice.

Or someone introduces you to a sound you like.

Thrifting used to be a necessity for me because i couldn't afford clothes for work.  It started with consignment and then moved to thrifting.  Over the years i kept it up because i used to be an assistant buyer and i know how much all this shit is marked up.  I couldn't go to the mall and buy brand new without feeling like a sucker.  So i continued thrifting.  

This year, any gifts i buy (and that is really rare now) will be thrifted, or made.  It's fun to browse through the thrift shops and see something i know someone in my life will find funny or love.  It's a treasure hunt and it's more fun doing it for others than for myself.  AND i can then afford to buy gifts.

So win win.  2025 I will be celebrating birthdays and holidays.  Because it's fun to think about other people and have them smile or laugh when I present them with their gift.  

Oh, and also, no need to wait for birthdays or holidays which i refuse to be confined by.  

I also find items that i can flip, or i can use in one of my projects.  I've been tearing up magazines and making coils for about a year or more and i thought i knew what i was going to do but now i have a different idea.  I also do adult coloring (meditation) and diamond painting which is also mediation because it's just for the sake of doing.  I have water colors i play with, and multiple other projects that are not complete but are rolling around in my brain.  

Food- always an issue for me.  I eat too much, or not enough.  Im in the not enough stage because i'm just not hungry EVER on this medication.  So i force protein down my throat as much as possible and i finally made the realization that any kind of sugary foods make me feel nauseous.  I've started to shed the pounds and it feels good when my pants slip on instead of me having to wiggle into them.  I've got a long way to go until i feel like i'm where i should be.  but it's all about the journey.  I love myself right now in this moment and all i'm doing is improving.  So with that said, protein drinks are awful so i've been actually cooking for just myself.  Nothing fancy but i have been trying new recipes and experimenting.  I used to feel like cooking for just myself wasn't worth all the work - but since i eat so little now, i want what i do eat to be fabulous.  okay, tasty.  

Movies- When i was in highschool I was living with my now ex husbands family.  I was 16 and homeless after my mother literally locked me out of the house with wet hair and no shoes on my feet.  She told family i ran away because she knew they would be pissed.  However, later when i contacted them all they said was "go home"....and didn't believe that social workers had tried and failed to have my mother take me back.  Back then, no one knew what to do with me.  I wasn't pregnant so i didn't qualify for any programs.  Basically it was "too bad kid, good luck" from every adult in my life.  His family took me in.  I'm grateful to this day because who knows what would have become of me?  I sure wouldn't have graduated.  There WAS a price to pay, don't think there wasn't.  My life then could BE a movie.

I would spend hours and hours watching movies.  I went to school, went to my part time job and went home where i would watch movies with my ex's younger brother.  My ex is older than i am and he had an adult job, although still living at home.  VHS and BETA had just become popular and we would RENT a VHS player and a bunch of movies and i would spend all my time watching them when i was "home".  I read, watched movies, and basically tried to fly below the radar so i didn't lose my roof.  Oh and i babysat their son, my ex.  Thats a different story.

Even now, i love spending an entire day with movies on.  If i'm cleaning i'll put on a movie i've seen mulitple times just to keep me company (if i'm not listening to an audiobook or podcast)..when i can't sleep i'll put on a comforting old movie so i can listen to it  but not have to watch.  On days where i feel like i can't manage people, i watch movies.  Or when i'm sad.  Or bitchy.  I can always tell how my life is going based on how many movies i've watched recently.  

So it's nice to meet people, not just men, that share these interests.  They aren't crazy, or expensive.  They are pretty typical.  When someone can introduce me to something new within those categories.....i love them a little.  

 



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