Supposed to have a second date with Rob Saturday. Why am i writing about him when i've gone on a LOT of second dates? What makes him different.
Well, we never run out of things to talk about. We have a difficult time getting off the phone. As in, TALKING on the phone. We really don't text too much.
He tells me when he is going to call the next day depending on his schedule. And also to make sure i can talk at that time It works out that the best time is about an hour before bed after all our "stuff" is done. I haven't had to wonder. I'm finding that to be much more comfortable. And enjoyable. I have something to look forward to rather than wondering if he will call.
I think, regardless of how this works out.......that is a new standard. I hate wondering. It gives me insecurity and it makes me anxious. It makes me totally focus on the guy.....and THAT is my biggest problem with dating anxiety. I have a life. I don't want to think about the guy constantly. And if i DO think of him, i want to feel secure, and know i'll talk to him later.
It helps with the overthinking.
Obviously. LOL
Okay what else am i learning here? I like consistency (even though we aren't in a relationship) I like hearing my name by a man who isn't pissed off, or trying to get me in bed. It's nice to hear my name in a way that just acknowledges me as ....me. Not BABE or HUN or the worst SWEETIE. It's kind of wierd how people don't really use each others names with each other in daily conversation. I never noticed it until i realized i really like Rob calling me by my name.
Makes me feel seen. and heard. That i'm not just anybody. I'm a unique person to him, with this name. I'm fascinated because this is a new developement for me, and also, a new standard.
We are nerds. We both love esoteric information that has no obvious use to be known. He quotes movies and i know what he's talking about. I sing lyrics (badly) and he picks up like we discussed which song to sing. We like books and music and games. Board games.
I've had a mystery game that was a monthly subscription for years now. Only the first box was opened because i was curious. I have asked every many i've gone on more than one date with if they would play it with me (Tattoo man never came to my house after the first time so he never got asked) and NONE of them acted remotely interested. Rob PREFERS it to going out. And the funny thing is, i believe him. I don't think it's a ploy to come over and get into bed instead of playing the game.
Oh yes!
He flirts mildly so i know he's interested, but he hasn't gotten sexually explicit. And we've been talking for a bit. Men usually talk about interests for a couple minutes and then they want to know what you've "into". And it's not just that i'm a bad picker.....this is a complaint i've heard from many women of many ages and backgrounds. The quality of mens dating skills is........lacking.
And i feel like we are dating. We are getting to know each other. No red flags on my side.
I casually asked him about the size difference, and he offhandedly said "do you think i can't handle you?".........and that was probably one of the sexiest things i've heard in a long time. Wierd.
I'm making a big deal out of nothing trying to self sabatoge. But i'm aware, and i'm keeping a leash on my anxiety. I deserve happiness and to be treated well. And so far, i think this is how it starts.
Back to this date tomorrow night. Of course because i was looking forward to it there is going to be a snowstorm. If we were in a relationship it would be no big deal. We'd either not see each other or go spend the night at one of our places together. But we aren't in a relationship and we want to see each other so we are at that wierd place.
It's a SECOND date. I'm not looking for him to spend the night and i'm not looking to go to his place. So i suggested maybe just playing one of those remote online games instead. (I did say we are nerds didn't I? if i didn't, we are. We are nerds and proud) He said we should play it by ear, which is what i had said last night.
And then, he said his buddy was doing a Non super bowl party on Sunday and asked if i wanted to go with him.
.............
He wants to see me and he wants to go to the party and he is combining the two. Taking me around his friends. Casually. But still.
My anxiety just ramped up. I told him he should totally go! he said "i asked you to go with me" and i said ..........let's play it by ear.
While i was talking to him last night i acknowledge (in my head to myself) that i really enjoy talking to him. That i really like him. That we have a LOT in common. The man will play board games with me. He sent me a picture of an 80's lyrics game book and I thought...."this may be the guy".......
So. We'll see I guess. Maybe this is how dating is supposed to be. Two normal people getting to know each other for a possible relationship without focusing on sex. Two normal people who have common interests but also separate interests and the same belief systems.
Wouldn't that be nice?
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