all or nothing

 Work can be so slow sometimes and then all of a sudden everything is on fire.

I've learned how to pay attention to the important fires.  There is a hierarchy and my boss always comes first.  Not previous bosses, and certainly not people who act as if i don't exist until they need something explained.

The program i fell in love with and worked with my now retired boss with for a pleasant 2 years no longer feels like mine.  And if it's not mine, i can't own it.  I go through the motions knowing there is a whole department working against me that doesn't feel the need to clue me in, so when they send me nasty condescending emails asking me a question....

They aren't the first on my list to respond to.

I'm a ghost, remember?  

I'm taking on a lot more in my new role and when the powers that be decided they were going to play games, and that i'd play along.........it was a mistake.

On paper, i "belong" to my boss.  And that is the only one i answer to.  Everyone else, not associated with him, or his work...........is a courtesy in my eyes.  

When something is "mine" and then it isn't......i detach.  

I'm not associated "technically" with the program that I RUN?  Who thought that was a good idea?  

I miss Tom when he's not around.  I mean, really miss him.  I don't worry about what he's doing, or who he's doing it with because he tells me during the course of regular conversation what his plans are.  I don't have to ask, he just talks to me about his life.  What a concept.  And when i do ask questions, he actually answers me.  He doesn't ignore the question, or get defensive.

He likes telling me about his day and his life. He likes listening to my day and thoughts and he even asks appropriate questions because he's listening to me.  Again.  What a concept.

He tells me everything will work out.  We remind each other to be patient.  Slow and steady.  There are a lot of details to consider.  Time will show us the way.  In the meantime, he is stuck on second shift, where his boys and I never get to see him.  It's temporary.  So in the meantime, we talk several times a day on the phone, and text sometimes.  We see each other on Saturday and Sunday, with and without the boys.

The plan this weekend.....yes, we have a plan and it's only Tuesday (what a concept) is for a sleepover Saturday night and spend the day flea market shopping on Sunday.  

It's nice to think about what food i need to buy to feed these men.....to know we will have dinner together at home.  my home.  I want them to be comfortable.  Tom already told me he is giving me money for groceries.....his boys eat a LOT.

So it's not looking like a typical relationship because it's not. He makes sure to get time alone with me, and then we include the boys as well - Time.  In time.  Time will tell once everyone gets comfortable with each other.

He's a good father.  His boys are sociable, funny, kind.....and typical boys.  The love their dad.  It's obvious.  And that is nice to see. It means he takes family seriously and that he takes me seriously.  He treats me like a valued member of his life.

No ass kissing. No faking.  He gets cranky about work and traffic just like anyone else.  He's real.  i'm loving this journey.