still quietly waiting

 I can't help it.  I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.  He's too perfect.  It's like he was made for me.  Like we were made for each other.

The situation we are in right now?  I wouldn't be in with anyone else.  He has kids that are still at home, a 17 year old and a 13 year old.  I usually avoid men with children.  I dont want to deal with the baby mama drama, or the push and pull of their schedules and things i want to do.  But with him, it seems easy so far.  His kids are his priority, but he never makes me feel like i come second.  I feel just as important.  And knowing how much he loves them, that makes me feel VERY loved and taken care of.

I know when i'm attracted to a man because i won't be able to keep my hands off him.  But with him, I want to cook for him (and his boys) I want to make sure he's comfy when he's at my house and feels spoiled with my attention.  I want to take care of him.

Thats not usual.  That is for men i've loved.  He makes me feel so wanted so special that i want him to feel the same way.  I'm not doing things for his attention or to prove i'm worthy.  I want to.  I need to. 

He calls me every day on his way in to work.......and on his break.  And then he calls me on his way home and says goodnight.  He's doing the pattern things that annoy the shit out of me when it's from a man i think is dating multiple women.

I'm gushing.

gross.

He also brings me flowers sometimes, always a small gift of some type - and treats me.  I never pay for anything. Maybe a coffee here and there and i have to sternly tell him i got it.  

It's nice to feel peace.  comfort.  like i'm cared for and don't have to worry about if he's betraying me behind my back.

how long will it last though?  I'm trying not to think about the future it will be here soon enough.  But i find myself becoming comfortable and used to his treatment and if he changes it up and becomes a jerk all of a sudden it will suck.

But..........i know this time not to waste years of my life on a man who treats me poorly.  So i'm going to try and enjoy all this goodness while it lasts or for the rest of our lives.

because it makes me feel good to make him happy too.  It's a two way street.