clear it out

 I still have the childrens book that my ex D gave me for christmas one year.  And i have the necklace, and a lot of the cards and pictures from him.  I probably won't ever get rid of them.  

But, this weekend i cleared out the gifts and items that were given to me by Bill.  I loved the leather work bag he gave me and always used it, even when we kept breaking up.....but i cleaned it out and brought it to Jens and gave it to her.  I told her if she doesnt want it she can donate it.  It's a very nice bag.

And he got the exact same one for his ex. (he's so stupid that he insisted he got her a more expensive bag when he tried to re-gift it to me because she had left it behind)  And the wine glass he gave me was something he gave all his female friends. Even his gifts were unoriginal and given to everyone.  Loser.

I had worn one of his good flannels home one night.  It smelled like him and i didn't give it back.  So i brought that to Jens house as well to give to her niece's husband because it's too small for Doug.  

Everything went.  Nothing of him remains aside from a few pictures in my phone which i think i will delete. Not one picture was taken of us together in over a year.  

There is nothing left. Aside from finishing that letter to the court.  That is my final word and then i will be completely done until i'm notified the protective order is expiring.  Then i will renew it for as long as i can.  I will not have him contacting me or thinking i want him to, ever again.

And i feel peace now.  No waiting for the contact i've done everything to avoid but i know is coming.  He always found a way back in.  And i always let him.  And then we'd have a few good times and it would turn bad again.  Faster each time.

Because i let him. 

And those days are over.

I don't want to gush about Tom but there is plenty of reason to.  I just don't want to write about him in the same entry as Bill because he deserves so much better than that.

No call from Cathy, or either of my kids yesterday.  Every day i think of moving to South Dakota and starting my van life.......what is keeping me here.