I am very tired. Last night i went out to the movies with my bestie and got home at 9:45pm. My night was just starting.
Mr. Cigar was waiting for me in the parking lot. He had asked if he could come, had said he was coming and yet, i didnt fully believe it until i pulled in and saw him.
Twice in one day? This late at night?
We fell asleep together until he left at 2:30am to go home to the dogs.
But first, we layed around talking and laughing and being stupid and very serious. It isn't something i've experienced in a long long time.......this laying around together, perfectly at ease - and he said what i was thinking, like it was coming home.
He is still him. However, he is in counseling, and being very transparent about his thoughts. And he wanted me off the dating sites.
So i'm off.
His kiss is coming home. I know i might eat my words, i might have regrets down the road, i might kick myself in the ass but time will tell. And if i waste a few more days, or weeks - even months......at least i will be happy during that time. And if we break up again we agreed not to do it during a fight.
This is important to me because we always part ways during an argument. We come from the same type of upbringing, we have the same kind of scars, and we both cut and run rather than get run away from.
He has a lot of shit to deal with and work through. He is far from perfect, just like me.
No thinking about the future. We have a history of flash in the pan reunions. And breakups. But we want to be together even when we don't.
I'm not going to feel bad about seeing him, and i'm not going to hide it. I know there will be friends with opinions and if we are going to share our thoughts they better be ready to hear mine about their choices as well.
Thats all i'm going to say about that. I'm listening to my heart, using my brain, and keeping my eyes open. And i'm feeling better than i have in months.
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