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Falling in love again

Today is not a good day.

I keep feeling waves of rage all because this morning i noticed he cleaned out his truck all nice and has his nice smelling deodorant and minty gum in the console.  Fucker.  I suppose the "guys" were complaining, eh?

I keep playing the soundtrack of our break up in my mind -"i'm not attracted to you anymore.  I don't just mean your looks"........

Could I make a list of shit that has changed with YOU since we first met and fell in love?  Yes.

Will I?  No.

Because i know that shit hurts and it's petty and i wouldn't do it to anyone. So don't feel special.

I have to keep reminding myself that men don't turn into prince charming when there is a break up.  They are the same guy that didn't appreciate you, didn't value you, didn't treat you right while you were together - magnified.

So why does my heart hurt?  Because I let it go on for so long and probably would have forever?  Because in the end HE broke up with me?  What does that say about me?

What it says to me right off the bat is that I have no business dating ANY man until I have my own head on straight.  What it says to me is that i have a whole lot of learning about myself to do.  I need to date me, treat myself special and fall in love with me.

~The trick is not minding that it hurts.~


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