Skip to main content

The day before we give Thanks

When life is in turmoil it is difficult to remember that there is still much to be grateful for.  There is actual effort required to identify something that brings you joy and/or comfort amidst the anxiety and sadness that takes priority during this period of time.

And that in itself is something important to remember - "during THIS period of time".  Life will not always feel like this.  It will get better, and worse and better again for as long as we are alive.  This too, is temporary.  Everything is temporary.  Isn't that something to be grateful for?

This year I will celebrate Thanksgiving in NYC with my beautiful, caring daughter and her boyfriend. She will house me, feed me, laugh with me, allow me to cry but not for long, and heal me. For her, i am grateful.

Last night i ate dinner at my son's home, cooked by his girlfriend, to celebrate his birthday.  I'm not sure when he turned into a man- but to look at him and see his strength, his calm, his happiness- is to feel successful as a mother.  For him, i am grateful.

For my children's spouses who bring them happiness and love - I am grateful.

For the many friends who have reached out to me, offering me an ear, boxes, a roof, time, help packing, supportive words, hugs, encouragement and reality checks - I am grateful.

For the family that I have called my own for the past 13 years, who have shared their holidays and achievements, their time and their love - I am grateful for the times I spent with you and the memories i will always have.

And for him I am also grateful, that he was able to do what I could not.  That he has been sensitive to all the myriad of feelings and emotions we have been sifting through - trying to sort out.  That in our time of parting he has been there for me probably more that ever before.  I am grateful for the love that we had, and for this new love that we will always have.

I'm grateful for more time, and more choices, and more adventures and more learning to be done, more experiences to be had, more people to meet and more self knowledge to shed light on.

I'm grateful to be alive, and to be able to feel ALL the feelings, both painful and joyous.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...

Sunday funday

 I stayed in bed until 8am.  Yes, i was scrolling my phone, but still........i was in bed.  Also, i made coffee and brought it BACK to bed.....so yes, technically, i remained in bed until 8am. I have a hard time staying up past 9pm.  And then i can't sleep past 6:30 at the latest.  When did that happen? Yesterday, i was ready for bed by 7pm at the birthday party.   I got to hold, okay, i TOOK the 6 day old premie babie and cradled his little body for a longggg time.  I layed him in my lap so i could see him, and he could strettttttttch his tiny body.  This little boy, normally, would still be baking in the womb.......but here he is, tiny and mighty, in my lap.  His tiny hands, his tiny FEET.  OMG.  New mamma was happy to be with her family and socialize, but new daddy, stayed close.  He talked about all the things CJ does already.......sleep, eat, poop.   He is a very nice young man, very in tune with his sons wh...