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It must be an awful feeling to rip apart someones life, so I get that you would want to try and make me (yourself) feel better by reaching out with nonsensical messages such as "hope you're having a good day".  I mean, i know the intention was a good one, but really?  Fuck you.  My good days are on hold for a "bit" until I can begin to recognize my life again, thank you.  Do I sound angry?  At this moment, i am.  Try me in 5 minutes and there may be snot pouring out of my nose and lot of trying to suck air in between the wrenching sobs.  Or I might just be registering students for next semester.  Who the fuck knows what emotion will pour out of my face and body in the next moment?  Do you?

I want to thank you for not doing this to me while i was trying to get my own shit straight.  Seriously. Had you not been so chivalrous you may have had a bridge jumping on your hands.  Smart move to sit tight during my crisis of "why do i feel like such shit all the time".  Oh, here, have a pill and try some therapy and we'll get you back to manageable.  It's great that i have such clarity on the lack of control i have over my life.

I hate this feeling of sarcasm and self loathing and white hot anger.  Hate. it.  And the disappointment in you and in me and in the fact that I still haven't learned.  When am i going to stop hating my lunch hour or any minute that isn't filled with some kind of mental activity so that i don't have to think about this and FUCK UP MY MAKEUP again.

You have no right to make yourself feel better by trying to comfort me.  Stop it. You wanted this and you finally worked yourself into saying it so now you need to own it. It hurts to let go of something you are used to having.  I know.   Don't be afraid.  The hardest part is done.  Your happy days are coming right up. You let me worry about mine.

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