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that feeling

 I'm getting that panic feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's not butterflies, or gas......or even the damn ozempic.  Anxiety? 

Have I said I hate dating?  And yet, dummy keeps doing it.  Deep breaths MB.  It's not like going to the gallows.

Saturday I meet this new guy.  Divorced twice, twin grown daughters, owns his home, has a good job, has a plan for retirement, doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, drinks socially, owns a Harley, member of an MC that isn't 1% and looks good in his pictures.  Taller than me. I've talked to him several times and he has a nice voice, easy to talk with.

Maybe he will smell funny.  

I'm probably going to smell like Ben Gay.

But we're going to do this regardless, in the middle of the day because he doesn't want to wait and he has a reunion Saturday night.

Every time I do this I swear I won't do it again because honestly, I don't pick men very well.  I pick the ones that have so many issues they can't possibly be in a healthy relationship and lets not forget that I carry my own baggage with both hands. 

But.

Again I wasn't looking.  Last time I got my guts stomped on by a man who had no intention of getting involved and yet treated us like a relationship.  I ignored the red flags.  Who doesn't have some kind of issue or history at our age if we are both still single and doing luke warm dating when we forget how much it SUCKS.

But.  I will go, and I will have hope and one of us will get attached and the other won't.  And the cycle will continue because I can't seem to stop.

Speaking of cycles.  My ex did me a solid.  I like where we are, friendly, no angst or bitterness left on my part.  After spending that much time together it was very strange to not have him in my life.  It's nice to have occasional contact because like my friends, he does know me well.  

Also, someone I dated for about 6 months had a bad breakup and guess who's back viewing my social media pages ( never left).  Considering none of his exes survived him, literally, i'd say me and the new ex gf got away safely.  Don't mess around with men who think they are a bad ass.  Thats my advice. 

Maybe that's why I get this feeling in my gut.  Are there any good ones actually left?  And if he's not, will I see it?  And if I see it, will I ignore it?

Trust has to be with myself not to repeat the same patterns.  Yahoo.

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