Are you supposed to clean your cell phone out every once in a while? Browse through and delete pictures and files that you have duplicated or don't need? I think my phone has a ridiculous amount of memory but my cloud is "full" as my phone keeps reminding me so i am on a mission to make space.
I found a whole bunch of recordings in a buried file and being me, i can't just delete them - I must know what is on them. Each. One. Of. Them. The majority are mostly extremely short and nothing recorded but air. And then i came across one that is 32 minutes long, and I scan to the middle and hear a mans voice that I cannot place.
Obviously i'm going to now listen to the whole thing. Who is this man? Why is his voice on my phone? Why did i not know this? The beginning is me obviously talking to Miyagi and getting out of my car (it talks to me on the bluetooth speaker) and then me walking. I enter what sounds like a bar because of Led Zepplin blaring and the sounds of people. I can hear myself texting and as the next song comes on I hear myself greet a man.
Who the fuck IS This? Where am I? Have i met so many men that now i can't keep track? My brain starts to spin. I must know who this is. It is UNACCEPTABLE that i don't. yet. So I keep listening. I hear my voice (urgh is that really my voice???) as i tell this man why Miyagi is so well behaved.
Clue. I'm in a public place with music and noise with a man and Miyagi. So, Miyagi must be allowed here. Now i try to remember how many times i've met men with Miyagi in tow.....and i can't. I can't remember EVER having Miyagi with me. But it sounds like a getting to know you conversation.....which gives me no additional clues because all these first meet conversations are pretty much the same.
It's unfortunate when dating, but people are mostly alike. Everyone wants to think they are different, unique in some way - and i'm sure there are differences HOWEVER that doesn't usually turn up in a getting to know you conversation. They are all very much the same. Like an interview. Maybe it's me, in fact i'm sure part of it IS me- because as many men as i've gone out with - not a lot of memorable ones. That sounds bitchy but it's the equivalent of being written off as soon as they realize it's not going to be a quick drink and a romp. Or for some, not even the drink. I kid you not.
I don't know what the fuck these men are thinking. Wait. I do. And i want them to think that on some level, yes, because it's a date with the purpose of possibly liking each other enough for future dates. That's MY motive anyway. I'm not a prude, in fact i'm ....kinda starving if you know what i mean. But I don't want that to be the main and only focus of meeting someone. I'm not looking to satisfy an itch. My life isn't consumed with, itching. ehem.
Back to the recording - I finally realize when he says "Uber driver" who this is. I am grateful to the bottom of my soul that i am able to identify this man. But it also kinda makes me sad. He was one of the first. He was really nice, and good looking too - all the check boxes were filled in. I liked him well enough to go out with him again. We weren't a match.
While i understand the need for dating sites, and believe that if you hang in there for the long haul you will eventually find your match - I hate those damned dating websites. People will tell you to go on the paid sites and that its better but that hasn't been my experience.
I went on a date with a satanist i met on eharmony. Theres more to this story but i'm bored by it so i'm not sharing. Let's say it wasn't his choice of worship that turned me off.
I'm trying to appreciate the journey. After all, isn't this what i was so mad i had missed in my 20's? Date and not be serious, just have fun fun fun......except i'm not having fun. I'm learning more about the male species than i should have ever had to. And i've been LUCKY because i haven't had any harm come to me - I hear those stories and thats worse than interviewing someone as a potential partner for sex or life or whatever the goal may be.
There have been nice men, married men, boring men, strange men, too young men, too old men, too familiar men, i'm not sure whats left. Me. Thats whats left. Plain old Me, just doing it my way on my own and preferring it to settling for anything less than made for me. I'm giving it that college try, making an effort because I have a strong drive to find the right one. The nice part is that i've grown to understand that drive and not let it control me, or fool me into thinking the wrong ones are the right ones. Let's face it, i've been out of this for so long......i need practice.
And when i do find him, i won't be writing about him here. I've learned that too. Probably one of the best things in a relationship is what gets shared only between the two. And it will stay there. Third time is a charm as they say -
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