Skip to main content

my old tendencies

 Bill is sniffing around again.  Not for any love of me i'm sure, but for the reassurance that I still care.

I do care.  I don't know why, but i do.  I could sit and analyze myself, but why put any more time into him?  It's not going to work between us.  It's over.  He's like an addiction.  If i have contact with him once, i'll be right back to the Bill addiction.

And i keep wondering......why???

But like i said.  No more time wasted on a man who didn't know how to tell the truth, played head games, and wasted my time.  When i called him a coward i meant it.  

“The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love without the intention of loving her” -Bob Marley.

I'm sorry i had to understand that quote first hand.

It just tells me that men like Bill have existed forever, and always will.  Women like me need to avoid them.  He's not "different".  He's not "original".  He's like many men before him and many men that will come after him.  

The fact that he texted me on Valentines day to "wish me the best" and now he's hearting my profile picture on facebook.........he has no regard for my wish that he disappear from my life.  It will always be about him, his needs, what he wants.  He will never consider what he does when he plays with womens emotions.  

What goes around comes around.  Someday he will meet the wrong one.  Glad i'm not gonna be around to witness it.

On to more interesting topics.........

Pete from FB dating is looking promising.  He is a good conversationalist, is interested in knowing about me, seems open to telling me about himself.  He suggested going for a bike ride and i told him i don't know how.  He quickly said "we will have to get you a trike"......and i liked that response.   He has asked to take me out this weekend, but i already have a full weekend planned.  I told him i'm helping with a tag sale in Milford and joked that he should come buy stuff.  He said he loves tag sales and he would do that.

So he is scoring high with me.

The other one is Timmy.  He's a CO on the 5th floor where i work.  He doesn't technically work for the hospital.  However, he does work here.  So i'm cautious.  He works third shift so we wouldn't have contact but it still feels a bit close.  Also, I think he's looking for a hook up.  He doesn't ask me any  questions about myself, he hasn't asked to meet me, and this morning he asked if he could come get in bed with me.

So that seems pretty obvious.  I'll entertain him for as long as it's interesting.  

I'm still on the damn dating site, and i plan on staying on it until i meet someone, and they show me consistent interest.  No more dating one man at a time, unless thats all i am talking to at the moment.  It's not their business.  It keeps me not so available and makes me keep a clear head.

Thats the plan anyways.  




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Sunday funday

 I stayed in bed until 8am.  Yes, i was scrolling my phone, but still........i was in bed.  Also, i made coffee and brought it BACK to bed.....so yes, technically, i remained in bed until 8am. I have a hard time staying up past 9pm.  And then i can't sleep past 6:30 at the latest.  When did that happen? Yesterday, i was ready for bed by 7pm at the birthday party.   I got to hold, okay, i TOOK the 6 day old premie babie and cradled his little body for a longggg time.  I layed him in my lap so i could see him, and he could strettttttttch his tiny body.  This little boy, normally, would still be baking in the womb.......but here he is, tiny and mighty, in my lap.  His tiny hands, his tiny FEET.  OMG.  New mamma was happy to be with her family and socialize, but new daddy, stayed close.  He talked about all the things CJ does already.......sleep, eat, poop.   He is a very nice young man, very in tune with his sons wh...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »