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back from the dead..ish

 I thought after a week of bed and rest i'd be all set for Monday morning and yet here i sit....feeling nauseous and a bit nervous about farts i cannot trust.

Isn't that sexy?

Well i'm back in it, ready or not.  

I fought with myself all weekend not to send a text to Bill.  This should be a non-issue. Yet, the temptation is there.  But i held fast.  Just like when i quit smoking.  The urge comes and goes to this very day, and i do NOT pick up a cigarette.  Same with Bill.

After blocking mr. cranky I am officially not talking to any men.  wooohoo.  Lets see how long i can keep that streak up.  

I want attention.

Affection.

Love.

And none of that is gonna happen wasting time in shitholes like online dating sites.

The plan is to make a plan.  I would like to join a book club.  A ceramics class. or an adult education class that is just for fun.  That will get me out of the house, and meeting new people in general, not specifically men.  It will give me something to look forward to that i can do by myself, out of the house.

I should just pay the Elks membership but that, for several reasons i don't feel like talking about here, is no longer a viable plan.  I dont feel comfy going by myself.  And it's to drink.  Which, i also do not do by myself..........among a plethora of other reasons I just don't want to.

I will find my niche.  I just have to keep looking.  

That rebounder literally kicked my ass.  My whole ass hurts along with my tailbone, which i think i might have bruised if not broke when i fell down full force on the damn router. Made me think about men that show up in the ER with stories about "falling" onto objects.....ehem.  I'm just glad the thing didn't get lodged up my butt.  My poor tailbone though.  

10 minutes a day (total) on the rebounder will make a visible difference, so i'm told.  I can do that.  

What i can't seem to do is the hula hoop.  I try every day and every day i fail.  Someday it will magically come.  i hope.  Because between the hoop and the jumping, i may just be able to be mildly fit.

That trail is waiting for me.  I hope i don't get lost on it.

It's too bad Bill can't be there to watch me do it with no tears.  His loss.  My achievement.  

I almost texted Carlos as a distraction this weekend.  I didn't do that either.  Or Darryl.  No attention from men who disregarded me.  They are in the past.

I'm looking toward the future and i need to stay strong.  I'm getting there.  


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