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Not my favorite

 Waking up to a text from my ex bf's ex baby mama.........not my favorite.

over a year ago i engaged with her when she called my phone at 6:00am and i answered it because i thought it was a staff member calling out of work.  I didn't recognize the number.  I admit, i found some pleasure in her crazy. I admit, I enjoyed knowing exactly how she felt and i hoped she was a nervous wreck that would be told she was "crazy". 

You stupid bitch.  You knew you were running around with someone elses man, you knew your happiness was on another womans tears....and then you think you are going to get understanding from her?'

fuck off.

I still remember that pain.  I still remember how that whole situation deconstructed how i felt about myself, my place in the world and men.  

I had a family, i had friends, i had a home for the first time in my life and i had a man that was a pain in the ass, irresponsible, and selfish but i loved him.  Good or bad.  And I lost all of that because of HIM, not her.  She didn't owe me anything, but he did.  So i sent her one message and told her.

And she decided to carry on with him.

You got what you deserved.  They both did.

And so did I.  Because i'm not sharing my life with a man who cheats on me and i don't have to co-parent with a woman who cares only for herself.  

Karma bitches.

I'm liking this new man.  We are getting to know each other.  He calls me like a grown up.  There are some concerns, but i'm keeping my eyes open.  He does make me laugh.  Loudly.  He surprises me, and i like how he talks to and treats his dogs.

That matters.

He may make me cry eventually.  I guess thats a risk i have to take.  

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