I was home this weekend, on self-induced lockdown. I purchased a steam cleaner and i couldn't wait to wrap my little hands around that nozzle and pull the trigger.
Oh what fun! I pulled the stove out, the refrigerator out.....i blasted every little bit of crust out of my kitchen. It felt magnificent. There is no better feeling if you ask me.
Mrs. Ciccia would be so proud of me.
And then i had to dust, clean the carpets, wipe down the walls, laundry, etc......I was in full out spring clean mode.
Now to maintain. I found out years ago that all that yelling i did at the kids to clean up after themselves....yeah, it was me. I was the hurricane.
Saturday night i pulled apart a chunky knit blanket that i had hand stitched (poorly) so i could re-do it correctly. I decided to try tiktok live after seeing one of my friends do a live while folding his laundry. I thought if thats all you have to do ......hell, i can do that.
So i sat my butt down, positioned my phone and hit "live". It was surprisingly fun. It was better than going out and i got to be productive (hand knitting my blanket) while interacting with people. It's wierd that i'm the only one on the screen, and the only one actually talking, but it was fun to read the comments and answer back.
It was almost like going on a date with a lot of people at once.
In this case "a lot" was max 10 people.
Apparently the more lives you do, the more options you have. So eventually i will be able to notify people who follow me that i am on live so they can join. That might be weird. Or not. hell, all i can be is myself.
No politics. No religion. I repeated several times that i don't believe in joining ANY large groups of thoughts. One person kept trying to God talk me - My standard answer is "that is like asking me what color underware i have on. None of your business. "
Sunday i did it again, and this time i went with no makeup and granny glasses. I simply do not care if they find me attractive. The funny thing is, people ALWAYS comment on my hair.
It's new, and kind of fun. I can see me getting into it as long as it doesn't get too deep. Keep it light, fun, and positive. Be encouraging and supportive. Try to be some positive light in a world that needs it. When someone comments something gross or inappropriate, i simply ask why they choose to be unkind, and then i ignore it.
Mr. Jersey wants to pop on my live when i do it.....that will be so cool. He's got great vibes. (and lips but thats a different situation)
That fucker Mr. Tattoo has successfully replanted himself in my brain since texting me. Here's the messed up part. If he asked me out, i would go. If he asked me to try again. I would. If he wanted me to be a situationship again, i'd tell him to fuck right off. But he's seeing someone, and thats not going to happen because he already knows i want more than he will ever be able to give. I want his trust.
Anyways, it's okay to meet someone and fall into a deep hole. As long as you dig yourself out to see the light again. Bad things happen in life. Horrible things. Good things also happen. We have to be able to appreciate and feel both in order to say we are living. otherwise, we are just waiting to die.
I haven't been with anyone since Mr. Tattoo. My life changed. I had what i wanted, and i won't settle for men who don't know how to treat me. He showed me there are good men who know how to treat a woman and i bet there are even men who can allow themselves to get attached. There are ALSO men who are consistent and purposeful. Thats what i want.
And in the meantime, i will date my ass off to meet him. But no nookie. I'll wait for someone who values me enough to say we are together and can't wait for everyone to know it because he is proud to be with me.
Nothing less.
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