Today is my favorite kind of day. I woke up at 5am and just decided to scroll my phone and fall back to sleep. There are no "have to's" today. I did all my chores last night...well more than regular chores. I went nuts last night.
I closed my computer after working remotely and immediately took a few gummies. Then i unboxed my new steamer cleaner and read the instructions while i was still coherent. That done, i put some 60s rock on and began the deconstruction of every single crack and crevice in my kitchen and went to TOWN.
My facebook post: "If you don't know why i'm so excited to eat some gummies, put on some blues and use my new steam machine to clean every crevice in my kitchen.....we can't be friends. You don't understand me."
Those that know me, know. I've been dying to get into this steam clean.
I also shampooed my carpets and cleaned/steamed the bathroom.
It was a lovely friday night. I accomplished all the things and went to be tired and satisfied.
This morning when my eyes popped open i smiled. I don't have to get up now. I don't have to do any chores. (well, laundry) I can take the whole day to do WHATEVER the fuck i want. I haven't decided what that is yet, but i promise you, it does not involve leaving the house.
As i made my kuerig coffee i thought about how nice it is when i stay with Doug and Jen and wake up to the smell of a pot brewing. He makes the coffee every night before bed, even after a party or if we've been up late eating gummies and watching old music videos from the 80's. I feel very pampered there, but to them, thats normal life.
I want that. However, i could just take the coffee pot out (like i do when they stay with me) and make myself coffee every night so i can awake to the smell. There's not much anyone can't do by themself.
At their house, i wake up when i wake up.......smell the coffee...grab a cup and go sit quietly in the living room. Sometimes it 5am, and i'm first. Or sometimes its 7am and Jen beats me. Each one of us wakes, gets a cup, and goes to sit in the living room until the others wake up. Then there is "good mornings" and quiet chatting until we are all fully awake.
I love that.
I always wanted that with a man...and yet, i have it with my friends. Not every day. But enough to remind me that life is good.
I'm not really a morning person. I get up immediately when the alarm goes off, i get going into my morning routine.........but i'm not awake. I just go and hopefully wake up in the shower. I don't want to talk, or make choices. I literally hate having to talk first thing in the morning.
cuddle up, quietly. THAT i can do. but no talking until i'm fully with it. It's always a surprise what comes out of my mouth if that rule is broken.
i'm basically a three year old pissed off that i have to get out of bed.
So when i can rise with no "have to's" for the day...........it's a good day. I'm perfectly happy to spend the day at home, doing projects i want to do, making my home more my home with less stuff. Tomorrow i will bring a trunk full of stuff to Good Will and get rid of it. If it's nice out, i may try to organize the deck and get it ready for flowers. If i feel like it.
Because all my stuff is done. Nothing is on fire.
Heard from Mr. Tattoo yesterday morning and didn't even realize it because i was so deep into work I never checked my phone. Then i jumped into chores and didn't see his text until i was getting ready for bed.
Gave me a jolt.
He blocked me on facebook. I kinda thought he had blocked me period. I don't fool myself into thinking he thinks of me. Last time i heard from him he told me he had someone. I did not expect that information to hurt as much as it did. But it has nothing to do with me, or my worth. He just wasn't into me. simple.
He thought he saw me. That was the text. It wasn't me, so i said that. done. It's very strange to me that i can have a full out friendship with my ex of 13 years- and that happened because of Mr. Tattoo. I realized i was completely over my ex because of how strongly i felt for this man.......that i barely knew.
Life is strange. It's okay to not get my way, or have someone in my life that i want. That's just life. We can't always get what we want.
But if we try sometimes we get what we need.
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