I feel like i look for reasons not to trust, and in the past i've cut men off quickly and easily simply because something they said didn't match up.
I've been an idiot and i've been cured.
After my last long term relationship of 13 years, i was a hurting woman. I had a big empty space in my life that used to hold him, and i needed it to be gone. Then i met Michael, a man who had a great job, had a house, lived alone (not with a mamma) and actually smiled, a lot. He looked like my type. He treated me nicely (which isn't a standard, it SHOULD be a given, but i was wounded) and he liked me back.
When we dated a few months, with no sex - or really anything at all, I thought he was being a gentleman. Yes, because i was an idiot.
When he suggested i move in with him instead of purchasing a condo, I agreed. I thought whats the big deal? I can always move out and buy a condo if it doesn't work. Because i was an idiot.
I moved in with him because i thought we were in a relationship.
As soon as i moved in, any kind of trying on his end rapidly stopped. We tried to have sex one time after i jumped through hoops trying to seduce him. He said he was broken.
What he really was, was a con man.
He needed a second income to keep his home. He needed someone who would take care of his home, and him. He needed. And he took. And he never told the truth.
Even up to the end when I told him i was moving out.....he never told the truth.
We were together a year, almost to the date and i never considered him a relationship. I lived with him, and never considered him a comfort. I grew to hate him quickly. I had been duped. I had been used.
The thing is, he could have just said "why don't you rent a room" and i might have considered it. I was living with my bestie and her husband at the time and I was ready to go out and live again after having a safe space to heal for almost a year.
Instead, i moved in as a partner, and was a glorified renter that didn't even get my own space. I put money into the house because it needed fixing. I bought appliances because i wanted them. I gave the house cosmetic improvements, decorated, cleaned........made it a home. And went into debt. While i was with him, he paid the cards because it was his house and his stuff. When i left him, i left with the credit card debt and none of the stuff i was paying for. i tried to collect from him...........but you can't get blood from a stone.
You have to let men be who they are, and learn from it.
I went bankrupt over this "relationship".
It was a hard lesson to learn. And it has made me suspicious of men who own homes.
Mr. Cigar has an absolutely beautiful home (if a bit empty) on a large and gorgeous property. I would LOVE to live there if we ever actually worked out.
You can live in a perfect place and if it's with the wrong person your life will be hell.
Last night i brought him dinner because he asked. I love that he lives so close that dropping for a little while is worth it. He's up the road. That makes seeing each other very easy.
He tried to pay me for the dinner i brought for both of us. I declined. He tried again - I declined again and told him not to make it weird. I can pick up dinner once in a while. He takes me out, i can do the same sometimes. He didn't seem comfortable but he let it go. Thank you.
Then we (okay I) played with the dogs while we talked and he prepped their food. We ended up sitting together, and i mean almost on top of each other, in the living room - where there is literally a mile of leather couches.......and basically punked each other like little kids, laughing and being stupid. Then the music.....he started scrolling through his playlist and playing tunes. This man can sing. I can't tell you what a feeling that gave me. He has a great voice. Gave me feels.
except.........he likes Nickelback. I'm going to consider that no one is perfect.
And if you know me, you know i love music.
It got late (9pm lol) and i had to go because i'm lame and we both work early in the morning. We had spent the entire evening talking, and REALLY hanging out together....with no kissy face. (there was a very well placed slap on the ass that reminded me he's interested in more than my humor) I (we?) had the best time!
I got my hug, and my goodbye kiss........and the teasing about the bears outside.....
I mean, this is how its supposed to be isn't it?
However, the thoughts of Michael and how I let him destroy my credit because i wanted to believe he was a good man..........that is always in the back of my head.
Two incomes is way better than one. But there has to be honesty and transparency. I am hyper sensitive and yes, scared about finances mixed with any man.
And this is why we go slow. And enjoy it for what it is - the beginning of a new relationship with a man I can see myself with. High hopes. Low expectations.
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