O Henry

 Today i am reminded of Henry.  

God he is so handsome and has that radio talk show host voice.

We went around a few times.  He was good to me, took me out - treated me very well but would never have me to his home.

Was strange.

Thought of him today because i'm listening to 70's music and that was our jam, what we connected on.  We'd lay in bed and listen to one hit wonders, and know all the words.

I thought that was pretty damn cool.  And he didn't make fun of me for it. 

He had a hair trigger temper.  I wouldn't see it coming.  We would be having a conversation, i'd say something to piss him off (of course) and he would go off the deep end.  zero to 60 in a second.

And when he was angry he was nasty.

So......bye bye Henry.  I aint got time for that shit. 

Sometimes pretty on the outside is really ugly inside.

And he brought out the ugly in me.  I'm vicious when attacked.  He is someone who got firmly blocked everywhere because i know he'd come sniffing around again in a few months when he thought i would have cooled down.

Maybe i'm thinking about him because i was reminded of him a bit last night.  When a man is so charming......is he really?  Whats going on in that head when he's not charming? 

I was never afraid of my ex bf. Even during the one physical altercation that took place I knew he wasn't going to actually harm me permanently.  He could have. He certainly hurt my self esteem, my sense of self, and any kind of self worth i may have had........but he wasn't someone to push me down the stairs (ex husband).  Ha.

How heartbreaking.  That we are imperfect humans with parts of us that are very ugly.  

Here goes my self talk.  What would a successful handsome man want with me?  

Oh and today during lunch, i was watching Theresa Caputo on Hulu.......she talks to spirits.  It occurred to me that aside from my father there is no one dead that would have a message for me. He is literally the only one that might care enough.  

I love dating.  It brings out the BEST in me! wahoo!