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is it me?

 I have a friend going to jail in May for a year.  It was a stupid thing, but it happened.  I could almost see myself doing the same thing he did if i was in a similar situation.

Friday i want to go see a band at a place that is not that far from me.  I'm pausing though, because i know that a guy i used to see will be  there with his girlfriend who is just.......trashy.  She's one of those that likes to start shit for no apparent reason.

The last time i was at the establishment to see a band he showed without her up and left me alone.  Smart.  But his girlfriend has reached out to me in the past with some cray cray - i'm not sure she isn't special needs.  

I don't know why this happens to me.  Well, maybe i understand why my ex's coocoo bird reached out - but i'm pretty sure she won't again.  People tend to forget that they got exactly what they wanted and that i'm not interested.

This one though, he was ....a wannabe badass who gets told what to do by the crazy chicks he hooks up with.  I told him when i met him, i'm going to bore you- I don't fight, i don't like drama and i sure as hell don't want it in a man. I'm the only ex (if you want to classify it as a relationship) of his to live.  I'm not kidding.  He should stick to the crazies because i'm not the one to try and drive crazy.  Been there, done that...i know the signs and i run. 

Which brings me back to the friend going away.  He knows her, them - but he didn't know i know them until today.  I told him i want to go, but not alone because of this possibility. 

I won't get into legal trouble because my career won't allow it.  I have too much to lose.  He won't get into trouble because of his court case.  But let me tell you - no one is going to start shit with him.  Or me if i'm with him.  Those patches are great deflectors.  Especially when these two are apparently trying to cozy up with that MC.  

I don't date patches.  Never have.  Never will.  I'm too needy to be blown off constantly, and coming second to a club and a bike never seemed attractive to me.  Even though......well, lets say my brain wins every time in that situation.  I have friends that are friends because of who they are, not the patch they wear. I don't wear in support of anything.  Thats not my scene even  though bikers are probably the best people on earth.  You know exactly what you get with them, no bullshit.  And if you need help somewhere it's them that aren't afraid to step in.  

Plus i don't think i'm tough enough.  Frankly.  I can't hang like that.  I do actually get scared sometimes! 

Comes down to it, i know i won't go unless he does. And it would be fun to hook up with him again.  He's fun.  And he doesn't get attached.

Anyways, different topic:  i forgot to say that a guy i was talking to on FB dating: We exchanged phone numbers and then all his "stuff" came pouring out.  You know, he's "in the process of divorcing" (NOPE NOPE NOPE) and how he keeps getting into trouble at work but it's all everybody elses fault..........Yes, i ghosted that mother fucker.  I don't have time for this kind of man.

Is this what i attract?  I mean, i did date the nice guy a couple of times. What is it about me?  Am i wearing a sign on my head?  Lord, i may go back to therapy if this keeps happening.  


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