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Quiet fury

 .........i'm not sure anyone i know would ever associate quiet with my fury.

I can talk, use my words, hell, i can even LISTEN to others words.  Even if they don't fall in line with mine.

Unless they start calling me names, or mock me, or be condescending.

The art of conversation is lost on many people.  The exchange of ideas in a way that comes to a partially happy ending for both "sides"........over.  It's all or nothing to be a winner.  Dummy.

I will not discuss my views on politics anymore.  I will not continue to post memes or repost others thoughts that i agree, or disagree with.

My thoughts are my business, and the business of those closest to me.  I do not live in a world where having "thoughts" or "ideas" are welcome, regardless of what they are. 

I've been struggling with this, and have been focusing on the more immediate topic of dating, of men, of day to day life.  The things within my reach, that i have some kind of say over.  For now.

The small things that i find annoying, infuriating, frustrating.......my day to day life.....that so many others don't have to worry about because THEY are dead, or being killed, or trying NOT to be killed.  You know, the basics.

This gets to me.  It makes my heart hurt. It makes me furious and feel out of control.  How could these things be happening in the world and we go on worrying about paying the cable bill this month?

This morning i woke up angry because i have no idea when my vacation will be approved, or IF it will be approved, and i'm trying to "make plans".  Then i put the news on and got into the shower.  By the time i got out of the shower i felt like the biggest piece of shit. 

Vacation???

That's what i'm mad about?

Men?

This is what i get angy over?

Not seeing my children, or my grandchild enough?

THAT is what makes me sad.

Being too tired, and staying home to stare at my walls rather that go out with friends?

THATs what i feel guilty over?

My life is small.

And yet to me, it isn't.

I am overwhelmed by the enormity of what is going on in this country, and the world.  I am a coward that doesn't want to know more because WHAT CAN I DO?  Cry? Be angry? Throw my fists and scream into the face of those that oppose my views?

What if i don't even know who the enemy is.  what if the enemy is my friend?  My co-worker?

What if my only absolute belief is that every human being is equal, that nobody deserves life more than anybody else, that food, shelter, and health care should be a given, no matter where you live, or how much money you have, or what color your skin is, or what language you speak, or how old you are, or who your friends are?

That no one should be locked in room for over 20 years and NO ONE came looking for a missing child. 

That those with assets totaling $5 million or more—comprised approximately 0.1% of the world's population should NOT be making decisions, or holding power over the REST OF US.

What if I'm tired of being a woman, trying to find love in a world where men, women, and children are shot down and killed over land, over religion, over ideology.  

What am I supposed to do about it?   Paint a sign, stand in front of a building, and yell?  Or how about call my government, or email, or write a letter or two?  Am i just too stupid to see the point of that?

Does it now, or will it ever even matter.

Humans are shit. 



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