Trust myself

 I know the difference between a good man and a sketchy one.  Why?  Because i've delt with many sketchy men.

I blame this on myself.  I was a walking beacon for men looking to take advantage of a woman stupid enough to be happy with the tiniest effort (when absolutely necessary) when I was giving my entire self.

Low self esteem will attract scum.

Well lets all be grateful i've finally found mine!  A little late to the party, but at least it finally showed up.

I've been accused of giving up too quickly, cutting men out too fast- which is the exact opposite of what i used to do.......which was try to prove to them that i was a worthy woman.

Mr. Saybrook.  Last year i saw him for a bit, and i thought he was flakey.  He wouldn't make plans ahead of time, was always flying by the seat of his pants...........and he had a "roommate" that was moving out.  Red flag anyone?  However, i was still feeling sore over Mr. Tattoo (i know, i know!) and he was fairly good company when i saw him.  

I've been in shut down when it comes to sleeping with these guys.........I learned my lesson the hard way.  So i have that to be grateful for.  We never did.  And he put a LOT of effort into trying.  We parted ways because i told him i make plans ahead of time and i was never available for him.  

So this time around when he started reaching out I ignored him.  I'm so tired of these assholes.  One day, on a whim i asked him what was different now that he thought we should connect?  He gave me a story that sounded valid.  I asked him about his roommate?  Gone since before Christmas.  Okay.  So what do you want?  Let the love bombing begin.

I figure, i'm not dating anyone - lets see how far this goes.  We meet up a few times, hes consistently texting and calling, and i go to his house so we can go for ride.  We live an hour apart from each other and the weather wasn't great where i am, so that seemed reasonable.  

He shows me his home, he starts to kiss me, and i say "we aren't going for a ride are we?" and i'm ready to bail.  That moves his ass to the bike pretty quickly.  Bud, i'm not here to fuck you.  The ride was wonderful, he has a luxury bike and it was nice to sit and feel the air freeze my face off.....no, really, it was.  It felt amazing.  It was nice to have a handsome man sitting between my legs and have my hands keeping warm in his pockets.  I could almost imagine this happening a lot.  

We see each other a couple of times, and nope, i'm still not sleeping with him.  There's been no talk of exclusivity, or anything like it.  And Mr. Saybrook begins to become sketchy again.  No more love bombing, no more texting, or calling as much.  I hate to say it, but I told me so. 

I belong to that group on facebook, the "are we dating the same man" group.  People have their feelings about it, but listen, if someone posted me in a "are we dating the same woman" group, i'm coming up golden.  So i posted his picture and asked if there was any tea, or red flags?  Thats what this group is about and believe me..............men get called out.

Now, you have to use your discretion.   Women can be crazy too. (lolololololol) but when MANY women come out with "i'm also seeing him" thats fine........we aren't exclusive.  Then the red flags......Apparently i found myself a loverboy that lies his ass off and asks every woman he dates to move in.

Ew.

I know this type of man.  I went bankrupt for my stupid year of faith.  But thats another story.  

There is nothing sweeter than a man who needs another income to keep his home.  And then.......there is nothing worse than living in a shithole with an asshole who has zero motivation to do anything about it.

Enough said.

So last night i interacted with the women who have recently and currently been dating him and we all had the same story.  EXCEPT i had not slept with him.  And let me tell you the relief i feel is real. Everyone had the impression he's a nice man, and that they were the only ones dating him.  The ones who he has been dragging along for a year, or two, or EIGHT, were not happy about this revelation. What they do with it is there business, but i promptly texted Mr. Saybrook and told him to take me off his distribution list and not contact me again.  Then i blocked him, since i know he will come around again when he thinks i've forgotten.

These guys.  

Then there's Mr. Jersey.  He's up front about his situation, what he's looking for, and he is discreet but honest.  So far.  He's not a boyfriend type............but there is a place in every womans life for a man like him.  

Mr Music, I'm not interested in being his groupie.  I will however, follow his bands and remain friends.

So there is the update.  Still single.  Still happy.  Still peaceful.