Skip to main content

Who am I?

 Tomorrow after work i'm meeting a man i've been talking to for a while online.  He's an influencer that i connected with over thrifting of all things.  Then music, and on and on.

That, AND he is attractive.  Irish.  Tats. Red head........I know, I know.  

He' a jersey guy so not incredibly far, but far enough.  Flirtatious, yes.  He travels a lot for his job and he likes to meet people.  We enjoy talking to each other so when he asked if i was available on Wednesday, i agreed to meet up with him for dinner.

I started out this year with the plan to have 52 first dates, or until i meet the love of my life.  I realize that this is a huge endevour and takes a LOT of time.  Its made me realize i don't have that kind of time and if I DID i have other ways i'd like to spend it.

But of course, i'm still saying "yes" to meeting men who ask me out who don't give me the creeps.   I check them out, vet them, and meet them.  So far, so good.  I'm learning way more about myself than i am about them though.  I'm pushing through my negative self talk, i'm just enjoying the moment.

So Mr. Jersey- I'm looking forward to meeting him.  In his grwm videos he slaps on some cologne each time and it always makes me wonder what he smells like.

Work is killing me - it's my busy time and it just keeps coming and coming and coming....i know there is an end to it, kind of, because it's my project.  I've got a LOT of balls in the air trying to coordinate what is coming up and who needs a kick in the butt to make deadlines.  My boss is semi-retiring this summer and will only be staying part time for a year after.  He is stepping down and that is leaving a lot of unanswered questions for what my position will look like after he leaves.  He is in his 80's......I knew this was coming.  I'm still sad because working with him has been the best time of my whole career.  He is brilliant, kind and patient.  He is also an outstanding teacher, as i know first hand.  I found this job out of desperation to get out of a bad one.......and landed exactly where i was meant to be.  

The future is a little blurry- but i'm told not to worry.  So i won't.  But I can be sad for a period of time that will be coming to an end. How often does someone like me get to work with a Nuerosurgeon as a partner? He has shown me how this plan works and i have taken it and run with it......He calls it my baby and says he has complete faith that i have it under control. Yes, i do idolize him a bit.  Yes, he is a bit of a father figure to me- his praise is everything.  I see/hear him handle some providers that are ....difficult....with grace and style.  No one messes with him.  He is truly that old world gentleman that you do not want to screw with.  

okay enough free flow writing for now.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »