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Its no good when i wonder

 I remember dating a guy briefly who would always tell me when he was going to call again, and he would ask me out for the next time before we ended the current date.  That was truly unique, in that I have never heard of, or had, a man treat me so consistently.  We weren't a match, but I still remember how respectful he was and how nice it was not to wonder.

When i start to wonder, it's not a good thing.

I don't like it.  I don't like open ends left hanging. If you don't know, say you don't know when the next time we will get together will be.  I'll decide if you are worth waiting for.

Thats the thing with men, they want to hold all the cards and we women generally let them.

Not anymore.  Not me. 

I will NOT wonder.

I found that mans consistency so attractive that i can't go back.  He showed interest and didn't make me wonder.  These games men play are not attractive, do not make us want them more- it actually ruins any good feelings we may be developing.

Here's the rule:  If you have to wonder if he likes you, he doesn't.

When they all of a sudden drop out of sight, and then come back with pebble texting it's not cute.  It's not exciting.  For me.........it's a major turn off.

And i like that about me.  I never used to have boundaries and i always felt like i was spinning at their will.  Not. Anymore.    Never. Again.

So when Mr. Saybrook doesn't text or call last night.........i didn't sit and stress.  I put it out of my head.  I didn't think what else he might be doing, or if he was going to call me again.  Or all the stupid thoughts that used to roll around in my mind not allowing me to think about anything else.  I think thats obsession, or addiction.....and i've seen it, acknowledged it, and moved away from it.

My life is my life and i invite people into it as long as they don't disrupt my peace.  Last night i colored and listened to my audio book and before i knew it, it was passed 10pm which is late for me.  I went to bed and crashed.  I had a peaceful evening.

This morning i get the obligatory "good morning" text and I don't have that giddy feeling.  Something has changed.  It might be me.  But this is how you find out if something is real. If you are really interested.

Or maybe not?

I am finding that the "let them" approach (no i haven't read the book yet) is working for me.  I do my thing, and let them do their thing and don't worry about what is or isn't going to happen.  If i find myself worrying, or wondering.........that's not a good sign.  It doesn't mean CHASE to prove i am worthy.

Like i did with Mr. Tattoo.  Like i did with the ex.  Because neither was a prize to win.  And i AM worthy.

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