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Musician Man otherwise known as MM

I know.

Another new one.

I actually get asked out pretty regularly, which makes me wonder why I don't say yes more often.  Maybe because it's too much work.  Or i'm not interested in the man who asks? Or they work with me?

There's usually a reason.

About a month ago i started talking to a man on facebook who has friends in common with me. He is a musician, plays bass and of course, is in a band.  He is 65 years old and still rocks out.  I didn't take the conversation too seriously but then he asked to meet me and i agreed.  That was a couple of weeks ago.  I cancelled on him the day before and told him i wasn't really mentally available for dating and i apologized.

He didn't go away.  Once in a while he'd send me a message, and i would answer and that would be it.  He didn't want me to forget him.

But i was focused on Bill.  I wasn't looking for another man or as Bill says "keeping one on back up"......like HE does.  I don't treat people like backup plans.  Its shitty.  And i had been clear with MM that i was "in it" with someone.

After the whole blow up with Bill, I thought about reaching out, but didn't.  I don't want to fill that empty space with a temporary high of attention from someone else.  I just want to get used to the fact that Bill is no longer in my life and that is the way it has be be for my happiness and mental health.  I deserve better.

MM reached out to me, and i responded.  Then i started thinking "why the hell don't i go out with a man who pursues me?  I'm single.  I HAVE been single, acting like i wasn't.  So......I asked HIM out.  And his answer was "Absafuckinlutely".

So tonight at some point we are going to meet up.  I'm thinking Middletown, by the river.  We talk our asses off so we can walk, be on the water, maybe get ice cream or whatever.  Relaxed.  No pressure.  Just meeting up.

I'm not feeling butterflies, my nervous system feels dead.  But from what hear, that's how normal people feel.  It's not him.  It's me not putting the cart before the horse.

65 is really pushing it for me.........but if I recall correctly, Mr. Tattoo is 65 now.  And he was the BEST lover i ever had.  So.  Ya never know.  Not that i'll be finding out too quickly.  

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