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50 more dates


I am taking today to really look inside and check on myself.  Do i reject men that are interested in me and show me?  Or are they really just nuts?

Mr. Racecar seemed SO even keel, so busy with his life and interests...so normal.  Even through most of the night he was funny, entertaining, talkative.  BUT

(i'm me, so of course i was ticking off a red flag list)

He interrupted me constantly.  He was more interested in telling me about himself than learning anything about me.

He was very touchy. Now.....some touchiness is acceptable because it shows interest.  But i've been on dates where it's mutual and natural. This didn't feel like that.  

This man can DRINK.  Not that i didn't expect that in a way, we sat there talking for 4 hours.  I had two drinks, with double shots, and he had a LOT more.  

So i became very aware.

Nothing is less fun than dealing with a drunk man who is full of himself at the end of the night. Although even with all that drinking he didn't appear to BE drunk.

Ah, so everything was goodish until we left and he walked me to my car.  Let the kissing commence.  It was mutual, i was curious.  But when i say it took me almost an hour more trying to leave without yelling in his face and me being acutely aware that he was dead serious about me coming back to his house......i'm not kidding.

I'm not a novice.  I know how to cajole and stroke a mans ego rather than set fire to his pride. Especially when alcohol is involved.  So I played the "i'm so tired, i've had so much fun, i can't wait to see you again" card.  That is not nice, nor is it a fail-safe, but you do what you have to do in the moment.

I am not saying that i felt threatened in any way.  I felt the POTENTIAL.  There's a difference.  

So we say goodnight 10 more times and leave.  I'm frozen.  I'm tired.  and now i get to drive an hour home. (as does he due to errors by both of us in planning)  

He proceeds to text me and then start calling me all the way home.  I could see the texts on the screen in my car so i knew he wasn't asking for help he was just continuing the night......so i ignored him.  I'm fucking driving, i just spent the last hour trying to go home and for GODS SAKE leave me alone.  

I didn't' take that as a good sign of me wanting to get to know him any better.  

When i got home i texted like i said i would and told him i was exhausted and going to bed.  Goodnight.

This man texted me ALL NIGHT up to 5:30am this morning.

He had a whole conversation all by himself about how wonderful we were going to be.

Those conversations i made sure to have with him about not being interested in a hook up OR an instant relationship?  Not heard apparently.  

Maybe i should be flattered and flustered that he's "so into" me.  But i'm not.  That is crazytown.  

He doesn't know ME.  He's excited about a woman that sat with him for 4 hours and listened to him talk about himself.

Am i mean?

I don't care.

I'm so done with being the woman who idolizes a man and he cant be bothered to know me at all.  I'm so done with men who don't ask me about myself.  Its indicative of what will come in  the relationship.  Those men don't care what you feel, or what your wants and needs are.  It's all about them.  And if you speak up, it's you "bitching".  NO THANK YOU.

Lessons i learned on this date:

Not driving an hour to meet anyone ever without knowing them.

Not staying four hours

Not leaving before they drink the whole bar


This year i am going to document my dating and the lessons i learn.  I fuck up a lot.  I need to do better.

Was this dates failure (which he seems to think is a huge success) all his fault?  No way.  I have to learn to stop being a people pleaser as a way to protect myself and get my ass out of a situation that looks like it may go south IMMEDIATELY.  

How was your Saturday night?


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