Skip to main content

do it anyways

 One thing i used to love doing with a partner was to get in the car and just go somewhere random on a nice day.  See where the road took us.  Find somewhere new to us.

So today, i did it even though I did it alone.

And i still had a nice time.

My morning started off with me trying to figure out what i wanted to do with my last day off from work.  I was scrolling through TikTok and I follow a woman who goes to all the thrift stores in New England.  Today I watched her pick up food she had ordered from an app called "Too good to go".  Participating restaurants put together goodie bags, mostly day old food or leftovers, and sell them at drastically reduced prices.  You have no idea what you are getting.  It's a risk.  It's an adventure.  So I downloaded and opened the app to see what was available within a reasonable distance from me and ordered TWO goodie bags......one from two different places in the same town.


Then i took a shower like a normal human, and got dressed to go out.  The restaurants were about 1/2 an hour away and i had to drive through Hartford to get there.  The traffic wasn't bad and the locations were easy to find.  All went well.  I cannot believe the amount of food i got for a grand total of $10 and all of it pretty much went into my freezer.  

I went to two places i haven't been before and got "surprise" food without a lot of risk.  It was kind of fun and it got me out of the house.

As i was driving home it occurred to me that there was a time when the thought of driving through Hartford gave me a panic attack. In high school i was friends with a girl who drove herself to Boston every weekend and i thought she was literally wonder woman.  8 years ago i drove myself to New York for the first  time by myself and ever since then i've lost my fear of driving.  I go wherever i want now.  I never thought i would be that person......to drive far away by myself, to eat in restaurants by myself, to go to movies by myself.

For the longest time i have waited for that special guy to do it all with and it has finally occurred to me to stop waiting for other people.  If i want to go, i'm going.  If no one else wants to, I'm going to do it anyways.

<3

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »