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3 months

 Last night i was talking with Mr. Cigar on the phone, and while we were talking i drove to his house and we continued talking for the next 3.5 hours.  Real talking, busting on each other, lots of topics.....it just flowed.  Some grabby touchy but all in play, it wasn't that kind of night.

I just wanted to be with him instead of just on the phone.  And I did what i wanted to do and went over.

When i realized it was 9pm i was on fire to get out the door so we could get some sleep...but he made me wait to taste the Indian rice he had in the cooker.  It's not really rice, it's a oat/grass.....and he makes it with lentels and black beans with some sazon spice.  

I'm glad i waited.  Holy sh*t was it good.  And my mind started going a mile a minute of what else i could add to make it the main dish.

He's a really good cook.  Which is good, because i'm not.  I have some things that i make fairly well, but my experiments don't usually turn out edible.  I'm great at making salad.

This is how i thought it should be.  We hang out together and enjoy each others company without sex being the main reason we are together.  I genuinely like him- he makes me laugh, think, and sometimes he makes me angry and speechless.  

It's been 3 months.  I said i would evaluate where we were in 3 months and make a choice on things based on how it was going.  

I'm in it.

I have no desire to go without him.  Even when he pushes the envelope - which this man does to get me going.  He has paid attention.  He knows what gets under my skin.

I've never had a man pay such close attention to the details of how i operate. 

He tells me i love him....and i tell him "i never said that"

I can feel in my bones there are feelings there, just from our conversations.  

I have a boyfriend.

 A partner.  Someone i can see a future with.  

Now, let my past stay in the past and let me not have a hair pin trigger based on how i've been treated previously.  Let us bring happiness and peace of mind to each other- Let our misunderstandings be clarifications, not earth-shattering moments.  

Let this man be my reward in life for putting up with so much shit because i was so stupid and had no self esteem- because i thought no one would ever love me.  

And so it begins.

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