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Am I negative?

 probably.  Its not the first time i've heard that i always jump to the worst case scenario, or assume the worst is going to happen.

Is that anxiety? or a character trait? 

It's always self focused.  I assume the best for everyone else and the worst for myself.  Was that learned? is is self defense so i don't get side swiped when something bad happens i can say "i knew it"........?

Mr. Cigar called me out last night.  Said i always go to the negative.  He's not wrong.  I catch myself but not always.

I can see how that would be annoying- but why do my friends love me so much if i'm so negative?

Definitely neurotic. 

All that stressing and my boss came back to me with a definitive answer from the above.  My job doesn't change. I do not have to become someones secretary (as much as they seem to think they are entitled to me) because he's unhappy with what he has, or because of my logistical location outside of his office. (ONE of his offices) 

Not that I don't go above and beyond to make relationships and help out as part of the big team....but I'm not going backwards to managing an executive's calendar, which is an absolute nightmare.

ANYTHING else, within reason and ability, i'm here for.  But when he said that, i thought i was literally going to puke. 

Money for my vacation?  tight, but doable.  Its getting close and i need the beach with my friends to get right.  And some color to my skin so i'm not see-through.

Mr. Cigar? Going through his own stuff which he talks to me about but takes up a lot a space in his head.  Understandable, not a problem.  He's a business owner and has real hobbys........which suits me just fine.  As long as i'm the woman in his life we are good.

I've decided to refer to him as "the man".  "my man" sounds stupid.  "my boyfriend" sounds juvenile.  "my partner" sounds like we are in business or i'm a lesbian with a really ugly girlfriend....so "the man" as in "the man in my life" works for me.

My Bill?  Not yet.  

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