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goals

 In order to lose weight, I need to get good sleep.  In order to get good sleep i need to have a peaceful mind.

Last night, i did not sleep.  Again.

I tossed, turned, got up, went back to bed, tossed, punched my pillow......probably fell asleep around 3:30am.

was up at 5:30am.

I need to be strict with myself, mother myself like i was never mothered.

Nothing is more important than my health because without it, i have nothing.  

So.

Let him.

Let him do his thing and withdraw, and don't worry about why or what it means. Just, Let Him.

Carry on girl, live your life, do you.  Walk, exercise, eat right, sleep well, go to work and excel, make plans with family and friends and LET HIM fit in. or not.

Something i once heard "You don't lose the perfect person for you.  If they were perfect for you they would BE WITH YOU" so stop grieving or worrying about something that was only in your head.

Like the monster in the closet.

grow up.

Men show up, and leave no doubt or confusion over a woman they want.  Give him the space to do that, or not.  Don't let him live in  your head rent free, over some occasional attention that ISN'T enough.  

And thats the key lady.  What he's offering isn't enough.  

So go ahead and return his energy for a while, see if he steps up - but don't put any value on it until it IS valuable.  A good man can still be offering low effort.  And low effort isn't enough.

So tonight, i will perhaps use some help knocking myself out so my emotions don't overtake me in the dead of the night.  Today i will keep my mind where my body is at, and i will focus on exceling at work, I will make plans to help my bestie this weekend and see if my friends are going on the boat again.  I will live my life as if i am single because no one has claimed me.


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