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Maybe we look different

 I think i look different when i'm happy.  I seem to get a lot more attention from men.

Maybe  i walk different, smile bigger, shine a little.....

I hold on to this feeling while at the same time kicking back my demons that tell me....he's a man, he's gonna lie to you and cheat on you and leave you an emotional husk by the time he's done with you.

Isn't that a lovely thought?

I notice everything, every good night missed, every day i haven't talked to him on the phone........that is me being anxious and insecure.  I know the words, I certainly know the feeling...and now i need to really master controlling it so it doesn't disrupt my entire life.

I remind myself, routine isn't something i want.  I remind myself he is a hard working business(s) owner and this is his busy season.  I remind myself that is something i admire about him, so feeling displaced when he's working himself to sleep every night makes zero sense.

Still haven't made that appointment with the therapist.  I just saw online that Chatgpt actually can act as a therapist.  I do pay monthly for it since i use it so often so.........

Today is a good day.

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