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minds well

 Last night i broke up with Bill for the final time.

I know, i've said that before - and should have saved myself some time, but there is something about him that i identify with. His fuckedupedness was familiar to me.  

Some time apart, while we were "together" showed me that he is just not enough.  What he offers me is crumbs to keep me around for company.  The only time he actually wants me is when he doesn't have me.  He is the typical type that only wants what he can't have, or take away from someone.  

No judgement.  Thats got to be a lonely life.  It's not one i'm interested in.  I need consistency, intimacy, and companionship.  Someone i can depend on, who wants to share their life with me, not fit me into the empty spaces.  Someone who wants to be involved with my life also.  I don't  think it's "negative" to have expectations, or to want consistent affection.  

But that's what he did. turned it all around and made it about my shortcomings that he "couldn't work around"......Every time he opened his mouth last night he reinforced that i'm too good for him.

Imagine, having me and not being able to keep me.  What a loser.  

Here's what my indicator was....I didn't really care that i didn't hear from him much.  It didn't affect me at all aside from noticing, which I was meant to.  Everything he does is with purpose, this i know about him. But i'm at the point in my life where someone TRYING to make me feel bad has no place.  

So i'm single, as i have been all along.  Maybe someday i'll meet a man who matches me and we will live happily ever after.  But time is going by fast, and I can't live my life hoping for a partner.  I'm settled into being single and happy. I have everything i need, and too much of what i don't need.

I wish it had worked out with Carlos.  That i regret.  Bill? no regrets, just lessons. He never gave me anything to miss. 

I think timing is everything.  It's only a month into 2026 and i've lost Miyagi, but found out my son and his wife are due in July.  The circle of life in motion.  I left the country for the first time, but now i'm so broke i won't be going anywhere for a while.  Well worth it.  I thought i had found my partner, but with time away and some time to think outside of the chaos, I realized I don't want it.  I knew, in my heart, but i needed that time to step away. I was done before he told me he didn't have feelings for me.  Duh. 

No, i won't be dating purposely.  If i meet someone fine.  But looking for him isn't working so.....living my life the way I want to is the way to go.  Being such a homebody doesn't make that easy.  But who knows?  If i'm meant to have another great love, it will happen.  I give it up to the universe and make space in my head and heart for opportunity.

More on the vacation, and pictures coming.  


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