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Happy New Year

 I was out cold by 7pm last night, and only woke up to my son calling me at 10pm instead of midnight as is our tradition.  He said he was fighting the battle to sleep and he was giving up.  We said happy new year, and i love you and i went back to sleep with a little help from my cough medicine.

Nothing from Bill after our screaming match on the phone where i called him a fucking twat and he hung up on me.

I guess all that respect i was feeling previously flew straight out the window when he couldn't keep his ex's name out of his mouth and dared to group us together.  

I didn't lose him.  He lost me.  He should go back to the bottom feeder he loves so much because they are one in the same.  They enjoy the drama, the upset, the rush of making up.  I do not.  I want peace in my life.  I've done the fighting for a man that wasn't worth winning in the past.  I do actually learn my lessons even if i need a refresher once in a while.

Yes, i'm sad.  But sadness passes.  Insanity stays with you and ruins your life.

so, here is me letting him go. I won't fight for someone to see my worth. I've wasted too much time trying to prove myself to him.  He is blind. He is selfish.  He is too broken to appreciate what i bring to the table.  I've chased after his attention, tried to convince him i am enough.  He doesn't deserve me. I've given him too many chances, cried too many tears, and lost too much of my peace trying to hold on to him. He made me feel like and option, like i had to earn the right to be chosen. 

He knew without a doubt how important this birthday was to me, how important this new year was to me and he put zero effort into my happiness.  Not only that, but he escalated a situation by not owning his part in it.  He stood firm in his shitty behavior.  

It will always be more important to him to be right than to be happy.  At any cost.

I am enough.  I have always been enough. I am a once in a lifetime woman and he has lost me. 

I am not angry, not bitter.......just no longer available for bullshit.  I will be living by these two sentences this year: "No thank you" and "fuck off".  

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