my readings

 i do and get tarot readings for myself.  I'm not that good at it, plus technically I shouldn't be doing it for myself.

Bill comes up repeatedly, over and over.  The man won't go away even when I have no contact.  Let me put this simply, he fumbled me, more than once....was given ample opportunities that he did not deserve to catch up to a mature level of emotions and EACH TIME, fell back into his old patterns.  Lies, deceit, a literal fantasy life that did NOT exist went on in his head with him being the main and only important character.

He was mean.  And when he wanted to be, he was charming and could talk me into anything.

Was that his fault?  No.  It was mine.  Because i had not learned my lesson.  Men talk shit to get what they want.  They do not have any guilt, or any conscious about lying to get to their goal.  And they do not care about the destruction they leave behind.

Most men.  Maybe not all.  I have yet to meet the exception.

Marine man, Don.  He is blatant with his views, does not sugarcoat anything and sometimes it's not socially "acceptable".  It's not directed at me but it does apply to me.  Womens place is not in the military, not in police work, or any traditionally male careers.  They should be home, taking care of home and her man.

Wouldn't THAT be nice?  To be able to actually depend on a man to go out and earn while I stayed home and raised the kids, took care of the home and man?  That is all i ever wanted.  A family.  A home.  And that is exactly what delayed my own growing up and learning how to take care of myself.  

Shocked?  I believe in equal rights.  I believe women are just as important as men, and can do things that he can't.  I believe men can do things women can't.  I believe that if a woman wants to stay home and raise her children, keep a home and support her man, she should be able to make that CHOICE.  I was lucky in that i stayed home with my children when they were young, before they went to school.  It was a struggle, we were poor, we scraped by........and i didn't pay someone else to nurture my babies. It was hard because society wanted me to go to work, at minimum wage and pay someone else to stay with my kids.

Womens rights should be for ALL women. It's not a crime to want to raise your own children.  And it's not a crime to want to go back to work or have a career if that is what you prefer.  

Off track.

Don is old school OLD SCHOOL, not the pretend kind.  

It's going to take me a long time to trust that.  He's a man.  Men talk shit they don't back up.  Women who listen to what men say, without waiting for the results are usually paying a price for it.  Literally and figuratively.  

Trust is an issue for me.  I'd love for it not to be.  It will take time.  We are going to knock heads because we are both strong personalities.  I am MORE than willing to submit to a man stronger than I am.  Strong in character.  Strong in loyalty.  Strong in values.

And that can only be seen over time.