There's nothing. Not a thing i can point to and say "there, thats the red flag".
Is THAT a red flag?
They say you have 3 loves in a lifetime. First is idealistic, then hard love, and finally grounded love.
Since the breakup with Darryl over 10 years ago, i've dated a LOT. I've become infatuated with a couple of men, and only really felt anything similar to love with Carlos (later identified as limerence) and Bill (reinforcing that i must love myself first)
Yet, how can it be called love when the object of your affection does not return the feeling? Maybe i needed more lessons on hard love?
Regardless.
I've been talking to Marine man for ONE WEEK and i feel like we know more about each other in that short time than i have learned about during my entire relationship with others.
And maybe its because we don't talk about past relationships or dating experiences. We talk about now, about our likes/dislikes, passions, fears, goals....Neither of us has shared any stories about why we are single at this ripe old age. I've asked him some very pointed questions, and he has answered briefly with no big story to either validate or excuse his choices. Just an answer.
If any other man, other than a Marine Veteran said "the past needs to be left in the past" I would think he was out to hide something from me, or withhold something nefarious that i would later regret not knowing. I would consider it suspect.
And .......it might be! But, what if............
He' already identified that i'm an overthinker. He, like others before him, has told me to relax. That must be a man thing.
And this guy is all man. Even with any of the bad things that have happened to or around him (I don't know what that is) because he doesn't whine about it or use it as an excuse to hold back with me, or act like a jerk - or not feel bad for hurting me.
He's a man. A MAN.
Okay and we are meeting tomorrow for the first time. Yes, on Valentines day. Which wasn't even on purpose - but still feels right, And we BOTH are expressing excitement over meeting each other, and well.........
It feels right.
I do this with every single man i think there is potential to fall in love with. I build them up, i file away the red flags to shame myself with later, I talk myself into that THIS man is THE man. And it never works out.
I've been 100% myself on the phone with him and he finds it endearing. He has already identifed my quirks, knows when i'm being sarcastic and can read me. Yesterday he was having a snack while we talked and i almost made him choke - because i yelled "WAIT A MINUTE" when something he said finally settled into understanding.
I like making him laugh.
My intention for tomorrow is to go with an open mind and heart. I will be myself, be true to myself and take an active role in what happens. or doesn't.
He said i'd be changing my single status by Sunday. That there was a "new sheriff in town" and that i'd be taken care of .....i'd not have to worry about anything again. That sounds so sure that i might have to believe him.
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