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Because thats what i do

 Yesterday i FINALLY got my town pistol permit after 3 months of waiting and wondering what the actual hell was taking so long?  My fault, for having let my permit expire.  That won't happen again because this process has been expensive and tedious.  And i'm a clean as a whistle good citizen- I cannot imagine how difficult this is for someone who isnt'.  

There is the part of me that screams this is unfair.  Criminals get guns for free.  Well, maybe not free but they get guns a LOT easier than the good citizen and that makes zero sense to me.  Also, the reality is I need to be able to protect myself, because criminals dont wait for the police to arrive before they carry out their plan.  And i'm not waiting either.  They have a plan, I have a plan.  We are fairly even.  Anyone who says there is no need, hasn't ever been in a situation where they have felt completely helpless because of not being prepared.  And i hope they never do.  



Anyone else literally tear apart their kitchen and redecorate it two days before hosting friendsgiving?  I work today.  And i have a lot on my plate.  Yettttttttttt  I woke up an hour ago and started ripping wallpaper off the wall and rearranging furniture amidst the dirty dishes from last night and general chaos of packages and stuffing strewn all over the apartment.  From stuff i bought.  Yes.  I went a little nutz.

Now listen........i don't have motivation very often to "do" anything to my apartment.  I always talk myself out of decorating because its a rental.  But the fact is, its my home.  I live here.  Until the foreseeable future i will BE living here.  And it needs to reflect me and the changes i've been going through.

Interesting to note here that the wallpaper i got for the accent wall in the kitchen is black.  BUT with pretty gold mushrooms and leaves and whispy things that feel very fantasyISH.  Not full blown teenage girl but definitely dark, fantasy grown woman.

And i think i'm going to love it.  That has to happen tonight, after work.  along with the cleaning and putting away of the clutter personal things that shouldn't be laying about when entertaining.  

AND my family is coming for thanksgiving and i want them to come back.  

And i feel a spurt of growth and need for change and this is what i do.  I change the aesthetic around me to match how i feel.  It comes out of nowhere, this inspiration.  But when it does, i better grab onto it and run or everything remains the same, including myself.

I used to just dye my hair a different color.

This is much more expensive.

BUT again, not that i need to validate it, but i do- spending money on the place i go to rest and feed myself IS valid.  I'm conscious that i'm not rich in money, but in spirit......why, yes, yes i am.

And i'm not having to consider anyone elses opinion.  JOY.

So please whoever reads this blog, (future self) don't judge. Be happy for this burst of inspiration and the energy and will to see it through.

  

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