Skip to main content

stabbings

 what the hell is going on with all the stabbings lately?  And it's kids stabbing their parents, and killing them.

I should count my blessings that i never felt the need to stab my own parents.  Thats as close to a nice thing as i can say about my egg donor. I don't even know if she's alive.  

Again, counting my blessings.

Sunday night i decided to set up the automatic coffee maker, since it was out.  I set myself up and yesterday morning i woke up to the smell of fresh coffee brewing and all i had to do was pour myself a cup.  It was so nice.

And then i saw a video that said part of self care is doing something nice for future you every day.  I think i'll start with prepping coffee for the following morning.  I mean, it's not like having it served to me in bed as soon as i open my eyes............but it's a start.

The stuff i ordered for Jen's birthday arrived yesterday and i've started working on it.  She never asks for ANYTHING and is always giving me little gifts that she picks up if it reminds her of me.  So when she demanded i make her a blanket like her favorite one at my house......i ordered the yarn.  And she admired my bullet journal, so i ordered her a blank one and i'm making it for her.  

It makes me happy to make these things for her because i know she appreciates hand made items that didn't have to cost me an arm and a leg.  And like i said - i do laundry at her house, a LOT of laundry and eat meals there, and am treated like one of the family.  Making her these gifts is not even close to the thank you i have in my heart for her.

My relationship with her is not like any other.  Both Capricorn.  I feel like we've understood each other from the beginning.  Her daughter told us we are doing "parallel play- meaning we each do our own activities side by side and enjoy just being near each other.  She's not wrong.

And i'm comfortable at their home.  With my dog.  I never feel stressed that i'm doing something that will irritate someone, or be talked about as soon as i leave.

I can't say that about all my friends.

Unfortunately.

I'm taking the "let them" track recently.  Me telling someone I don't want to do something, and them still trying to talk me into it, and then being upset with me if i don't.........doesn't work for me anymore.  Let them be disappointed.  I can only tell someone so many times before i realize they don't want to hear what i'm saying.

Someone close to me wonders why no one invites her anywhere.  I love her dearly, we have a lot of time in, but she is judgemental.  Does she come out and SAY things?  No.  But the things her and her husband complain about are so entitled that it makes very clear they are not happy with anything and expect perfection.  And even then, they will find something to be disapointed in.

I'm here for her.  But i have started to step back, and not tell her as much as  i used to.  I don't want her opinion. I have to be selective in what i talk to her about and lately i just listen to her complain.

This is something i am addressing in therapy as well. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Let's talk about Mr. Racecar

 I admit it.  I am a little bit excited about meeting Mr. Racecar.   He's younger- 53 He's taller, and bigger than me He has tats, bald head and long beard He builds cars/trucks and drag races - own his shop which is attached to his home.  ONE is a Camaro.  It sounds NASTY. He lives an hour away Now......here's what happens in my head:  What the hell could this man possibly see in me?  Why would he want to meet me?  He- owns a Harley but hasn't ridden it in a few years due to a car accident that left him unable to walk again until recently. He is a typical male in that some of his talk tries to lead me down the "lets talk about sex, baby, lets talk about you and me" side of things, which I have successfully diverted without him losing interest. I'm looking to date, to find the man I want to have a relationship with, not a situationship. And then I had to explain what a situationship is because he has only just started dating again, and he is ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »