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stabbings

 what the hell is going on with all the stabbings lately?  And it's kids stabbing their parents, and killing them.

I should count my blessings that i never felt the need to stab my own parents.  Thats as close to a nice thing as i can say about my egg donor. I don't even know if she's alive.  

Again, counting my blessings.

Sunday night i decided to set up the automatic coffee maker, since it was out.  I set myself up and yesterday morning i woke up to the smell of fresh coffee brewing and all i had to do was pour myself a cup.  It was so nice.

And then i saw a video that said part of self care is doing something nice for future you every day.  I think i'll start with prepping coffee for the following morning.  I mean, it's not like having it served to me in bed as soon as i open my eyes............but it's a start.

The stuff i ordered for Jen's birthday arrived yesterday and i've started working on it.  She never asks for ANYTHING and is always giving me little gifts that she picks up if it reminds her of me.  So when she demanded i make her a blanket like her favorite one at my house......i ordered the yarn.  And she admired my bullet journal, so i ordered her a blank one and i'm making it for her.  

It makes me happy to make these things for her because i know she appreciates hand made items that didn't have to cost me an arm and a leg.  And like i said - i do laundry at her house, a LOT of laundry and eat meals there, and am treated like one of the family.  Making her these gifts is not even close to the thank you i have in my heart for her.

My relationship with her is not like any other.  Both Capricorn.  I feel like we've understood each other from the beginning.  Her daughter told us we are doing "parallel play- meaning we each do our own activities side by side and enjoy just being near each other.  She's not wrong.

And i'm comfortable at their home.  With my dog.  I never feel stressed that i'm doing something that will irritate someone, or be talked about as soon as i leave.

I can't say that about all my friends.

Unfortunately.

I'm taking the "let them" track recently.  Me telling someone I don't want to do something, and them still trying to talk me into it, and then being upset with me if i don't.........doesn't work for me anymore.  Let them be disappointed.  I can only tell someone so many times before i realize they don't want to hear what i'm saying.

Someone close to me wonders why no one invites her anywhere.  I love her dearly, we have a lot of time in, but she is judgemental.  Does she come out and SAY things?  No.  But the things her and her husband complain about are so entitled that it makes very clear they are not happy with anything and expect perfection.  And even then, they will find something to be disapointed in.

I'm here for her.  But i have started to step back, and not tell her as much as  i used to.  I don't want her opinion. I have to be selective in what i talk to her about and lately i just listen to her complain.

This is something i am addressing in therapy as well. 

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