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secret

 I have a secret.  It's not mine to tell.  yet.  But when i say, it's the BEST secret in the world to me......

My home is a disaster area.  I sit here, in silence, typing away while the sink is full of dishes, the counter is scattered with food and debris, the living room has blankets and pillows strewn about all over the place, my dining room table is covered (again) with paints, crafts and oh look, unopened wine bottles...

I am alone again.

Everything about the last two days was perfect.  And this morning i cuddled my granddaughter for a few minutes in my bed (which, she loves my bed for some reason) while her mom packed up their bags and got ready to go.  We had coffee, we hugged a lot, and then the uber came (i do not argue that i will take them to the train any more, she is an adult and she can decide)  I stood in bare feet and yesterdays hair waving as they got into the car that took my girls away.

Yesterday, my son and his wife (the love of each others life) came for our Thanksgiving feast and the best feeling ever was that there was literally no prime rib left.  And i got a lot.  They scarfed it down because it was SO GOOD....i FINALLY cooked beef correctly, thank god.  My kids and their spouses are foodies - they grew up with my cooking and went out into the world to find goodness.  My granddaughter would ONLY eat the beef, several helpings.

Sounds dumb right?  But it made me so very happy.  I did a good job.  Amazing what happens with a good thermometer and lots of research.  And, okay, following directions.  I personally believe it came out perfectly because i poured all the love for my family into it.  Magic.

Usually i'm sad when all is said and done.  I miss them before they've left.  But this time, i know i'll be seeing  them all again very soon and that makes me so HAPPY.  It's not a manic happy.  Its peace in my center.  It's proudness that this is my family.  

Today, i will slowly clean up my home and i will most definitely take a nap.  I will hang the gingerbread cookie men that my daughter painted and i MIGHT decorate for christmas.  The tree looks pretty just as it is, with lights.  We'll see if i need to do any more than that later.

THIS is what living is for.  Appreciating these times.  This is what matters most.  The time we spend with the people we love cannot ever be replaced.  I don't like the saying "you never know if tomorrow will come" but .........you never know.  Life happens and we can appreciate the minutia, or we can let everything else take precedence.  It's those small moments that stay in our hearts forever.  Not the perfect prime rib.  I live in fear that "something" will happen to them, and yesterday I realized something IS happening to them.  They are loving and loved.  Forever.  That simple.  Even when we are all gone, there will have been that love.  

I'm not drunk.

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