Day off

 Tomorrow is a holiday so i took today (Monday) off to make it a long weekend.  Friday after work i drove to Milford, with all my laundry, just like a kid coming home from college for the weekend.  I was supposed to go to NY this weekend, but my signals got crossed with my daughters and it didn't happen. So instead, i ran away to my second home.

It's different now, with their grown daughter and grandchildren living there.  But i was jealous.  I wish i could spend that kind of time with my granddaughter, but i know my daughter would loath to move home with me and she doesn't need to.  She's got her act together.  Not that theirs doesn't....she's got TWO kids and the father isn't as active as my daughters ex is with his kids.

I could see living with my daughter as long as i gave up any kind of opinion or control.  She is as strong willed, if not more so, than i am.  Two women at the head with a granddaughter..........nope, she would have to be the boss.  And i'm not ready to give up control.

So there i stayed, basking in their family life, and they took me to the beach so we could walk it - I can't believe they don't go all the time since they live within walking distance.  I think all my oooohing and ahhhhing over their good luck made them look differently at it.  I'm always so relaxed with them.

And i needed to escape.

Therapy was therapy on friday.  what more can i say.  I rather hate all this digging up of the past and wallowing around in it.  I'm told it's temporary, that we are moving on next week.  Thank god.  I'm a grown up, i don't need to blame my childhood for my stupidity now.

Yesterday i came home in the morning per usual, and Mister came over in the late afternoon.  He was in a mood when he showed up and i opened my damned mouth and asked him what was wrong.

Ask and you shall receive.  fuckin A.

He was feeling like he is a good option on paper, but that possibly i wasn't interested in him.  That i was trying to force myself into him.

okay. Valid.

But as i was talking to him i realized that i do enjoy his company.  I didn't have to see him yesterday - i could have stayed in Milford, or i could have done what i usually do which is hide to myself on sunday.  But i didn't.  I let him know i was home, and available.  Because i do like him.

And thats what i told him.  

Along with, i wasn't getting deeply attached or involved in his life until i was done with therapy.  That i wasn't going to put him first, or think of "us" first.....that i am a solo flyer at the moment because it has to be that way.  

And then i agreed, yes, we are dating.

WTF.

And then i kissed him.  But it was playful and to make him feel better, not to get him hot and bothered. I'm not ready for that.  I don't know when i will be.

But i sure do like his massages.  I can't lie.  He asked me if i wanted to lay down and i told him straight up my bedroom is off limits.  And then we laughed.  Point was received i guess.......no sexy time any time in the near future.

I want to get throught the holidays and not worry about a man.  It's that simple.  I want to go on my cruise and not worry about a man.  I don't want to every have to worry about a man every again, quite frankly.  So we will see, again, how this all plays out.

He has the freedom to do as he pleases, as do I.  

As it should be, in any relationship. period.

My daughter is coming to visit for Thanksgiving because my granddaughter wants to stay here with me.  I'm very excited.  And my son and his wife are coming the next day.  I am a very happy mama, and hope that this becomes the tradition.  Christmas will be in NY, of course.  My only granddaugter calls the shots with me.  What she wants ,she shall have.

And there is Friendsgiving at my house next weekend.  Don't know what i was thinking, but i'm mixing all my friends, well most, my closest friends, with Mister and i'm cooking the turkey.  lord help us.  I'm trying not to stress.  It will be a good day and hopefully another tradition that can grow to include any of my friends that want to come.  

So life is fairly good.  I'm still feeling the residuals of sadness, and it hangs around in my peripheral vision, never that far.  Historically, this is a rough time of year for me (and many others) and with that in mind i think i'm doing really well.

Here's to keeping it up.  Cheers.