Skip to main content

success

 I finished the kitchen, cleaned the apartment, and cooked a turkey.  There was so much FOOD.  And laughing, and great conversation between everyone.  

Mister fit right in.  This was a "mixed" group of friends meaning i'm close to all that were there but they don't know each other.  So in a way, he wasn't the only one meeting new people.

And it all worked out perfectly.  Because i have awesome friends and perhaps he is a potential awesome "boyfriend". 

I was 100% myself, got a little tipsy and bawdy, cracking jokes and being obnoxious as i sometimes do around my friends .......he didn't get his panties in a bunch, or try to control me in any way shape or form, seemed to enjoy me as much as anyone and joined in on the banter.  He got a few good zingers in there that cracked everyone up.  He was attentive, and people noticed.  Ever the gentleman, always conscious of my needs.

Which i find uncomfortable, but i'm getting acclimated.  Never has a man doted on me.  Carlos treated me very well.  I always had a drink in hand and never went hungry or bored around him.  He was a great host, quite the ladies man - always made me feel comfortable.  And the sex. whew.  HOWEVER, he was not interested in me as a person, as much as entertainment.  He just had more class than the other men like him.

Being doted on is different.  Having a man care about what you might want or need and projecting it to make it happen before i'm even aware i want or need something..........that is different.  And i don't always know what to do with it, so i get irritated.

Did.  I'm now appreciating it.  It's like the tides are turning and it's me being treated the way i've always treated the men in my life.

hoping they would return the favor.

Well.  It's still too early to tell if he is genuine, or if this is an act.  I can't help my cynicism, i've earned it. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »