Skip to main content

Gorgeous

 I'm lucky.

I live in a beautiful area and most times i drive through it not even paying attention.

This morning, I did.

Whats that saying?  Appreciate what you have and don't worry about what you don't have.

Succinct.

Dressing a little artsy today, with the flowy trendy pants and a beautiful see-through top (that i have a tank under obviously)  Jewelry, crazy hair, red lips.  Platform Sorel sandals........i'm feeling myself today.

Nice to go into my closet and know whatever i choose will fit.  It won't be too tight.  i won't look like a stuffed sausage.  If anything, it may be too big.  and thats easy to fix.

Saw my GP yesterday, and actually requested she up my dose of meds.  Im feeling pretty bitchy lately- and literally nothing to bitch about.  She told me to go back to therapy and gave me an additional script for "as needed".  

I'm happy.  But i'm not happy.  Everything is setting me off.  Stupid stuff is setting me off. 

Am i even interested in the man i'm talking to?  It's hard to tell.  Give it time.  

I did start reading an actual physical book yesterday and it felt lovely.  It's good.  It grabbed me immediately- "The lost bookshop" by Evie Woods.  It's been out for a while, i picked it up at the GoodWill when i was shopping with Jen and Doug.  Thought i'd bring it on vacation, but knew i'd not touch it, so here we are........reading it now.

Books have always been such a comfort to me.  I have so many that i've purchased that i havent read because i have the kindle which is lighter and easier.  Plus i can read spicey books and no one knows.  BUT the physical act of reading an actual book is almost a religious experience, with rituals, and senses......I need to give the kindle a break for a while.

Okay.  Lets be positive today.  Let's make an actual effort at choosing to be happy.  This is a phase.  It too shall pass.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »