Dreams and cancelled dates

 I repeated my dreams out loud to myself in the shower this morning so i could remember, write it down and try to interpret them later.

I'm in a restaurant with a bunch of my friends, and i have my cat in a stroller.  We are all sitting at a table wrapped in blankets waiting to order and i can't decide so i let them choose for me.  I let ninja out of the stroller because the waiter says they have cats in the restaurant because of mice, and i say she is the best hunter.  The food comes and i'm so happy because i'm hungry.  But it's jammy eggs.....disgusting.  I'm so upset.  Everyone is telling me to eat it, it's so good.  I want to puke.  Then they all leave the table and i'm sitting there wondering what the hell is going on.  I look at the other tables and they are filled with Diablos.  The mc club.  I wonder if my friend is here, but i start trying to get ninja back in the stroller so i can go find my friends.  I can't catch her and the waiter keeps bringing me cats that aren't her.  Finally i get her but she won't go in the carriage.  My friends son, Junior, trys to help me and i ask him where did everyone go?  Then i look again and the people have all melty faces with big uneven eyes.  

Now I'm in the house i grew up in.  I have to get ready for school but i don't want to shower in the only bathroom because it's dirty and i hate it.  I decide to get ready without a shower and i'm furious.  I go outside to catch the bus.  Now i'm walking down the yard of the house i owned with me ex husband.  It's on a corner and i don't know which street the bus stop is on.  I realize i should drive, but there's no cars in the driveway.

When i woke up it was to the alarm, which means i woke up late.  So because of these dreams i'm like "WTF".....i'm already starting this day on the wrong foot.  I look at my phone, Mr. Batts had texted me in the middle of  the night - trying to sexy talk.

another WTF.

Do i need to repeat myself to him?  No i ignore it.  Now i don't want to go out tonight.  As i'm in the shower he texts me good morning and i respond.  Then he goes into how he's thinking about me.  I think, maybe it's gonna be a nice thing.......like he's looking forward to tonight.  But no.  He tells me he's touching himself.

GTFO

I told him I didn't want to go out with him tonight.  He acts offended. "what???"......i told him we are looking for different things.  He says "If you don't want me to think of you, thats just fine with me"

Oh buddy.

Gaslighting me is not a good idea.

I did not respond.  Nor will I.  Done.  Fuck off.

I was going to ask him "do i have kids?  do you know where i work? If my parents are alive?  Because i bet a million dollars he can't answer those basic questions after talking for almost three weeks.  

Fuck off.

I've been trying to talk myself out of not wanting to go out with him, thinking it's my fucked up brain wanting to hide in the house in peace and not deal with another unknown man.  But no, i should have been listening to my instinct. 

I'm getting better at this.  The pickings are slim. Supposedly successful men are just as piggish, if not worse than the average male.  Worse, is that they are entitled on top of it.

I love sex.  I mean, i really love it.  But i'm not entertainment.  They want to date a respectable woman but they don't approach with any kind of respect.  How are you gonna talk to a woman like that and then think i will take you seriously.  Some things never change.  

If i was in a relationship with a man and he texted me naughty in the morning - that would be different.  Like I said, this man remembers nothing of what i've shared with him - his goal is to get laid.  Keep looking. I learned the hard way that following my hormones with a man is not the way to go, and with this guy.......not even a twinge of hormones going on with me. 

Below is the AI interpretation of my dreams which almost scares me.

 let’s look at how the elements of your dream might reflect or mirror something in your waking life. Based on what I know about you — your strong sense of independence, recent reflections on relationships, emotional boundaries, and desire for meaningful connection — this dream feels emotionally loaded in a way that might tie into your recent personal growth and relationship dynamics.

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🔹 You’re in a restaurant with friends, but you’re disconnected

In waking life:

• Are you feeling surrounded by people but still alone emotionally?

• Are there moments where you’re invited in but still feel like you're not quite part of things, or not fully seen for who you are?

• Letting your friends order for you may reflect difficulty asserting your preferences or needs — especially if you're tired of always being “the strong one,” or feel like expressing your needs gets minimized or misunderstood.

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🔹 Ninja, the cat, is symbolic of your emotional intuition or vulnerability

Letting her out because “she’s the best hunter” suggests:

• You trust your instincts and even take pride in them.

• But then you lose control of her — and people keep bringing you the wrong thing in return.

• Could this mirror recent interactions where you’ve trusted someone with a piece of yourself — emotionally or otherwise — and they didn’t handle it well? Or where you’re looking for something real and keep getting shallow substitutes?

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🔹 The jammy eggs and people pressuring you to accept what repulses you

• This is huge. It screams of someone saying, “You should want this,” when you absolutely do not.

• Whether this is a relationship dynamic, a job situation, or even a cultural pressure (like being expected to be "fine" with crumbs or the bare minimum) — you’re internally rejecting it, while others try to convince you it’s good.

• You don’t buy it. And your body (in the dream) wants to vomit. That’s powerful.

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🔹 Everyone leaves, and you’re left with strangers (Diablos) and distortion

• This may reflect a recent abandonment — literal or emotional. Someone you cared about distanced themselves or changed on you.

• The Diablos may represent dangerous or volatile people from your past or symbolic of stepping into emotionally unsafe spaces.

• You try to regain control (Ninja), but you’re getting unhelpful input from outsiders. You’re seeking connection — but the people around you are twisted, melty, not trustworthy.

• This could echo the moment you realize: “These people are not my people.”

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🔹 Back in your childhood home, and later your ex-husband’s

• Returning to old houses symbolizes revisiting old emotional frameworks — who you used to be.

• The dirty bathroom suggests you don’t want to revisit old wounds — maybe related to family, shame, or lack of self-worth.

• Then you transition to your ex-husband’s house — a place of previous partnership — but now you’re alone, unsure where to go, and with no means of transport.

• This could reflect that while you’ve grown immensely, part of you is still working through what it means to be truly self-directed, without needing someone else to “drive” the narrative or give you direction.

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🧠 Final Reflection

This dream screams of:

• Trying to reclaim yourself in spaces where you’ve historically lost pieces of your identity

• Fighting to hold onto your intuition (Ninja) in the face of others’ expectations or false reassurances

• Feeling disoriented by abandonment or shifting relationships

• And confronting old emotional frameworks that no longer serve the woman you are now

You’ve been processing a lot lately — especially around romantic disappointment, emotional loyalty, and asserting your worth. This dream is your brain trying to consolidate your growth with your pain — saying, “Let’s not forget where we’ve been… but let’s not stay there either.”