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I can't make it up

 Last week Mr. Cigar wants to talk to me......i ignore him.  He's in the dead to me pile.


Friday night i go out with my friends to watch live music and someone i dated was there with a mutual friend who had warned me ahead of time.  When we got there, the place is small and i was with one of the bands.  He wasn't going to NOT know i was there.  So ......while my friends were at the bar getting drinks i went and just sat down next to him at the table.  He turns to see who just sat down uninvited and i got the double take look. Big smile and "ohh" and then his face changed, So i said hello and saw you here, how've you been, High fived our friend and pretty much ran from the table.  I did what i had to do as a decent non bitch human being.

Aaaaaannnnnd i felt his eyes on me most of the night. I had a lot of people to hide behind.  Our mutual messaged me and told me the guy i dated was having "residual feelings" which i found funny coming out of a mans mouth.  This was YEARS ago.  It wasn't even a relationship.  I never went to his house.  Not once.  Done. 

Two down. 

 As I was driving home from Milford Saturday morning, there was a lot of traffic on the merit so i decided to go through Prospect on back roads.  Then i decided to hit the dunkin donuts there, because i used to go there all the time.  Then i decided to take a picture of the d&d and sent it to my ex who promptly responded and then came down to see me.  He lives 2 minutes away.  We sat in the car talking and catching up, and there was no weirdness.  I did absolutely pick on his clothing which is expected.  I sat there, hung over, the previous nights makeup still on my face, and i swear to you.....i felt beautiful.  Comfortable.  No more pain.  Also, no more interest in anything other than our history.

I'm not sure he can say the same.  Not my problem.

3 down.

Saturday night i had my friends over and it was actually a very nice time.  Lots of laughing and Dave brought a cake with a picture on it from our florida trip.  It said "welcome home Ed" and that was actually a very warm and heartfelt moment.  We are sappy.  We are family.  And we drive each other insane sometimes.  I've decided my friends are the love of my life.  I'm not sure any man could fill the shoes as well as they do.  

Doug and Jen spend the night, and Sunday morning we sit around relaxing (recuperating) and talking about the cruise Jen has talked me into agreeing to.  Our birthdays are a week apart and we hate it, also this year is her 50th.....so she wants us to go on a cruise together.  After some threatening and cajoling, she got me to agree.  

I ended the weekend last night when i jumped on TikTok live again because i'm very curious about these challenges they do, and if i can actually make money sitting there talking to strangers and working on whatever project i'm working on.......why not try it?  And it's kind of fun.  I don't have a big following, and thats fine for now.  But then THIS happened...................

Who joins my live?  The ex I just saw.  I laughed so hard.  And THEN because he was in there other friends we have in commen came in too.  It was a little reunion of sorts.  And fun.  Thats not all though, because the guy i saw Friday night also joined for a few minutes...... playfully.  Thats not all.  Several men i've gone on dates with joined!  None of them knew anything about the others......and they were all playing off each other....

If you've ever seen the meme about "what would you say if you walked into a room and all your exes were there together?"........You say nothing.  You just talk and have fun with all.  And i managed it.  I'm not sure how......and i'm also not sure if i'm a great big whore (i had only slept with 2 so probably not but STILL)  I was actually a bit in my element.  I even recruited one of my female friends to get a list of single females together for my ex of 13 years.  Everyone is a friend now.  Ex seems outdated.

Wild.  

Sometimes its pretty boring, because so many people come in and out and its just me talking for now......i can add people in to the live and i might try that soon.  I'm sure it's never going to be what it was last night (i hope) but i'm getting pretty comfortable doing the lives and perhaps i can pick up a following of like minds.  It's one way to spend my evenings, other than scrolling.

Also the concept of just making my friends the love of my life isn't new to others, but it resonates with me........what have i been thinking?  

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