imposter

 I understand imposter syndrome.  Every time i have to compile a report that is for the leadership....i'm thinking "are they crazy letting me do this?"

I mean, i know i know how..........but......i just feel like an imposter.

sometimes.

And a cook.  Lately, i've been actually cooking recipes that i find so interesting. 

I've been looking at Vegan recipes because they are usually high in protein, and taste great.  This is a bean salad that i served with a Red Hot.....which is kinda funny.

I'm easily bored with cooking- so this new spurt of interest is only because i'm still losing weight and would like to keep it off- so changing how I eat will depend on finding things i really enjoy that are actually good for me.  This salad has a kick to it......and i like beans, so win win. 

Back to physical therapy and my balance is SUCK.....Stand up straight with your feet together then close your eyes.  I'm fine until i close my eyes........they, i'm tipping over.

Do it on an unstable surface.........I look drunk, and thats with my eyes open.

And I always knew i walk funny but now she is correcting me.  So strange.  Not knowing how to correctly walk after all these years of crashing around.

Simple exercises done repetitively really do make the difference, and when i see the improvement i'm so excited.  "Look at me ma, no hands!"  She must think i'm insane.   

My new trick is to walk up my front steps without HOLDING ON.  I still feel risky, like i'm going to topple over........but i do it.  

Wait till i can walk up a normal flight of stairs without holding on.  Won't THAT be a score???  

Told you, it's the little things.

I have a lunch date tomorrow.  What shall i call him?  Mr. Batts.  This is the last man i was talking to on the damned dating site before i closed my account and went on vacation.  He has hung tight.  Checked in daily while i was away, just a little text.  Cute.  I agreed to go out with him once i got back, and ....he didn't forget.  He was a little too much when i started talking to him.  I put him in his place and didn't expect to hear from him again.  But he was back the next day.  He also said the dreaded "I don't like to make plans" thing to me.  So i again, put him in his place. And now he asked properly for a date.  

He wanted dinner, i gave him lunch.  We'll see how it goes.  I admit, his flirting is getting to me.  It's been a loooooonnnnng damn time.  Over a year. Yes i've dated a lot but thats all.  Not even with Mr. Cigar.  

I am locked down, like fort knox baby.  When they don't work out, i don't have regret.  The right one will work out........and i'll probably give him a heart attack.  If he's lucky.  

Or maybe i'll jump this man regardless.  You know, keep the gears oiled.  I don't want to forget how! I'm a grown up.  I have needs.  I just wouldn't expect it to turn into anything more.  Learned that the hard way.  

Better idea to keep my heart closed, than my legs.  LOL......okay, not funny.