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stalked?

I understand being curious - i reach out to Mr. Tattoo once in a while because, lets face it - i'm curious.

Is he happy?  How's his dog.  Has he retired? Does he have everything he hoped to have?

Why?

I don't know. Do i need a reason?

But i don't reach out thinking we don't have a past, or that nothing happened and broke off.  He crosses my mind as the one that would have been perfect for me if he had wanted anything beyond a situationship.  I valued everything about him.  I enjoyed his company.  (in retrospect i would not have gotten so completely shitfaced in front of him.  Something i rarely do)  His ways just made me comfortable, and happy.

And he lit me up sexually.  Can't forget that.  I could say he set the standard. 

But stalking isn't something i've particpated in since my ex.  I did stalk that man on social media, and via text and any way i could because my need to poke my wound was so strong.  I punished myself by wanting to know about his life without me.  Was it better? Worse? Did he miss me? Even think about me? or was I forgotten?

All very reasonable things to think, but not to act on.  So eventually, i stopped punishing myself.  It took me years.  But we had been together for 13 years, so i wont beat myself up over how i coped.  I did not bother him in his new life.

Why am i thinking about this now? Because Mr. Cigar, the guy who basically told me i wasn't "at his level", who dismissed me rudely and acted like a juvenile - a slow juvenile.....seems to have an interest in my life.  He now reaches out to me using different accounts.  I block each one as they pop up.

I have zero desire to know what he wants, or to ever hear from him again.

Go. Away.

He isn't what i thought he was and his mask came off mighty quick.  When they show themselves to you, you must believe them.  He is an ugly bitter little man.  He has hurt many women with his lies and behaviors.  He is not my problem.

BECAUSE of that, it makes me a little nervous that he keeps attempting to reach out.  No good is on his mind.  He wouldn't know how to be anything but a selfish self serving prick.  I do not like being on his mind.

So keeping an eye on that.

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