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maniac laugh

 My daughter hates that i am hyper vigilant around people i don't know......The reason i prefer the country over the city is........LESS PEOPLE.  

More people, more potential for idiots who think it's a good idea to bother me, or someone i'm with.

It's not.

Especially if i'm alone.  When i'm alone, it's literally no holds barred.  I do not care if i embarrass myself, i will get really aggressive and really LOUD with anyone who thinks they are going to intimidate me.  MEN, when a MAN thinks he is going to intimidate me.  I have no fear.  I have a lot of built up aggression that needs an outlet and the man who thinks i'm an easy target is gonna be sorry he woke up that morning.

I've been scrolling the internet and my algorithm keeps showing me abusive situations, either by a loved one or a stranger. It's making me all kinds of mad.

I've taken a LOT of shit from men i've loved in the past but never them physically abusing me.  The day i lay down and let a man beat me up is never going to happen.  He's gonna get hurt.  We will both be arrested for good cause.  And i will not look back.  I did once, and I was wrong to do it.  Won't happen again.  I had the knock down drag out brawl with a man who "loved" me.......and i stayed till the bitter end.  You see how well that turned out. I learn from my mistakes.  A man who lays hands on you, whether or not you are scared, does NOT love you.  Whether or not you fight back, he is no longer safe.  And why be with a man you can't feel safe with?  

Strangers.......i don't mess around with people.  I don't bother them, and i don't want to be bothered.  I will try and talk my way out of a situation always.  But if i can't, it's gonna be messy.   i'm not a fighter, but i AM a survivor and if i have fight, i don't care about whats dirty and whats fair.  I'm just gonna survive. 

As a woman, that split second you take to think about how to respond is the one that gets you hurt or killed.  You have to believe in your core that you have a right to live unharrassed and without fear.  And when that is threatened, you need to get mad. 

Anyone who has the audacity to get in your physical space, and tries to hurt you.....you need to believe that they want the worst ending for you, and you need to make sure it doesn't happen.

I feel for women's videos i see posted, where the man they are with talks to them horribly, where you know in your heart that the abusive language is only the beginning of the escalation to physical violence.  

The older i get the calmer i become, the less drama I can handle - the more i'd rather wear beautiful dresses, paint my nails and have a soft attitude - that feminine energy i've never had the luxury of living.  I like the way it feels and i haven't needed a man around to do it.  It's for me.  But there will forever be that underlying bitch that is ready to take someone down in a heartbeat if they try something wild with me.

So much violence everywhere, especially against women.  Don't be a sad story.  Be smart.  Be aware, and never be afraid to take care of yourself, in whatever way you have to. 


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