Skip to main content

Drag your ass

 back to work.  I've been out sick since Monday afternoon.  It's a combination of med changes and mental health, i think.  All i did was sleep.  get up, eat something, go back to the couch or bed and sleep some more.  I was dizzy and nauseous sometimes vomiting bile.  I thought it was worthy of not being around people.

I agreed to a phone call with FB man Tuesday night.  It was supposed to be short, but he is a talker.  Seems like a nice man.  Maybe a touch of Aspberbers?  Something.  The great thing was he talked to me like a person, no sexual innuendos.  No testing the waters.  Just a nice conversation.  He did tell me that he was scrolling facebook and saw my profile picture which was "gorgeous," and he realized we had a friend in common so he took the chance and reached out.  He was very happy i responded. (ha, wait till he meets me in person and realizes i'm not gorgeous)

Obviously, this reminds me of Mr. Tattoo.  Where I was the random woman reaching out to him.  The difference is a friend had suggested we might get along.  I had a bit more to stand on, however, to him, i was probably some crazy lady on facebook.  He bit though......there is something about being approached randomly that stirs the curiosity.

I fell head over heels; he satisfied his curiosity, and here I am today - on the receiving end.

After our talk, I feel like Mr. FB has a life he loves and isn't desperate to fill a spot.  Check.  He lives on his own and pays his bills. Check.  He doesn't have any serious health issues at age 66.  Check.  He is physically active which i would hope means he can be "active".....tbd.   He was a high school teacher for special education for over 35 years.  That takes a certain personality.  Perhaps my affinity with working at the youth shelter would match with his.  We have a need to help those who need help, to empower them.  Check.  

And yet, not an ounce of excitement can be found in my gut to meet another man.  

I'm doing this because he could be the one i didn't expect.  He did come to me.  Literally, as I was sitting in my living room looking at facebook.  So thats kinda funny.

The nice thing is he hasn't been driving me crazy with constant text messages, which at first made me think he had lost interest in getting together.  I'm not used to someone who isn't texting me all the time.  I like it.  It seems .......normal.  

So, we'll see.  I'll go to lunch and we will hit it off, or we won't.  50/50.  

It's okay, probably more than okay, to not have butterflies or excitement. Just curiosity. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »