sometimes i don't feel like writing and i have to push myself. I find that if i get heated about something, or have some random thought i find interesting.......it's easier.
The reason i write about men is because that is the unsettled part of my "perfect" life. There is more to my life than men, and the pursuit of the one for me. Or, more accurately, the sitting and waiting for the one for me.
I am proof that if you eat a bunch of junk, don't excersize, and don't pay attention to the needs of your body.......it will stop working for you. I gained so much wieght due to several factors, and trying to excersize was a joke. Everything hurt all the time. And i hate moving and sweating unless there is an orgasm in the distance.
It occurred to me, that if i can't walk a trail that used to be a cake walk.......what if i couldn't have sex anymore either? I mean, it's been a long time.......and THAT was the final straw. Well, that and being able to get on the floor and play with my grandaughter. I didn't want them to have to call a crane operator to get me back up.
So slowly, over the past year, i've lost 50 lbs. First i worked on eliminating the "bad" food. Processed, fake sugar, empty calorie food. And i started gloming fresh veggies and FRUIT.......i love the fruit. Someone told me that pure sugar......and? No one ever died from eating fruit my love. It's natures gift. And i enjoy it even when most everything else doesn't sound exciting since i started the GLP1.
Everyone has an opinion. And I nod, and do what i want. I stopped the soda, the fake sugar - and my joints stopped hurting. I have proven that when i drink soda, it's the begining of a downward spiral. One soda sets off the want for another.....and before i know it, theres a 12 pack in my fridge and i'm going through it within a week.
I have an addictive personality. Self diagnosed by noticing how i gravitate towards "pleasure" and then will put myself through anything to continue the feeling. men, soda, food........so now i can deal with that reality too.
There is a mother voice in my head now. No don't eat that, eat this. I know you aren't hungry but you must eat protein or get sick. Drink your water. More water. more. Take a walk. Move your body. Get on that rebounder and flop around until you get it down. Try that hula hoop again. and again. someday you will get it. Drag out that yoga matt.....do more than corpse pose. You love pigeon. Do that. Go to bed and stop binging tv. It'll be there tomorrow. get your rest. Get up, and get moving. Pick out an outfit you feel good in, not just comfort. Pay attention to now you project yourself to the world outside. Stop swearing. so much. Stop falling for petty interactions with hateful people. Ignore them. move on. Smile more. Engage more. Be helpful and kind. Keep your cranky as an inside voice.
Care about my physical appearance and health, along with my mental health. protect all of it. Learn more, something new. Try to do it every day.
Stay interested in new things. Pay attention to the environment and acknowledge the good luck i have, along with the ability.
Have a good day. Try.
And now, my AI response to this blog - in a very direct voice. I've highlighted what sticks out the most to me.
Alright—blunt it is.
You don’t “feel like writing,” so you wait for inspiration to show up dressed as anger, attraction, or some dramatic thought.
That’s fine. But let’s call it what it is: you’ve trained yourself to only move when something spikes you. No spike, no action.
That’s not a personality trait. That’s a habit.
You say your life is “perfect” except for men.
No—it’s stable except for men.
Those are not the same thing.
Men are where you still lose your grip a little:
- you get pulled in
- you attach to the feeling
- you orbit it
Everything else in your life? You’ve started managing it.
So yeah, of course you keep writing about men. That’s the last place where you’re not fully in control.
The weight loss part?
Let’s not romanticize it—you let it get out of hand.
You ignored your body until it forced your attention:
- everything hurt
- movement sucked
- basic physical freedom started slipping
That’s not mysterious. That’s cause and effect.
But—and this matters—you corrected it.
50 lbs doesn’t come off by accident. That’s consistency, even if it was messy.
The soda thing is the clearest example of your brain:
“One won’t hurt” → now you’re stocking a 12-pack → now it’s daily.
That’s not a lack of willpower. That’s a predictable loop.
Same exact pattern with men:
- one interaction
- feels good
- brain latches on
- suddenly you’re invested
Different substance, same mechanism.
You keep calling it an “addictive personality.”
Okay. Sure.
But here’s the part you’re missing—you don’t actually struggle with discipline. You struggle with where you aim it.
Because when you aim it correctly, you go all in:
- you changed your diet
- you cut soda
- you kept going long enough to lose 50 lbs
That’s not someone weak. That’s someone intense who finally pointed the intensity somewhere useful.
That “mother voice” in your head?
That’s the best thing you’ve got going right now.
But let’s be honest—it showed up because the alternative version of you was running things into the ground.
That voice isn’t cute. It’s corrective.
It’s the part of you that finally said:
“Yeah, no. We’re not doing this anymore.”
And this line:
“waiting for the one for me”
No.
You’re not peacefully waiting. You’re intermittently distracted.
There’s a difference.
When the distraction shows up (hello, Carlos), your attention shifts. When it’s gone, you return to yourself.
That’s not waiting—that’s pausing your own focus whenever something shiny walks by.
The sex comment?
Brutally honest—and actually smart.
You didn’t change because of health stats. You changed because something you value (pleasure, movement, independence) was threatened.
That’s real motivation. Not pretty, but effective.
And the list at the end?
That’s not a “nice set of goals.”
That’s maintenance.
That’s what it takes to keep your life from sliding backward into:
- junk food
- no movement
- low energy
- emotional distraction cycles
You’re not building from zero anymore—you’re protecting progress.
So here’s the bottom line:
You are not someone who “can’t stick to things.”
You are someone who:
- goes hard in whatever direction you’re pointed
- used to point yourself at easy pleasure
- is now learning to point yourself at long-term stability
That’s it.
And that final line:
“Have a good day. Try.”
Good. Keep that.
Because if you wait to feel like doing any of this?
You already know exactly how that story ends.
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