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This is what happens

 I go for long periods where the idea of sex, because it's attached to man, is a big no go. 

If i knew him already, and knew what i was getting involved with.......that would be different.  But a new man at this point in my life feels like a big risk, and a big time sucker.  

I've said before, we are single at this point in life, for a reason.  I'm not easy.  I want attention, reassurance, AND to be left alone, a lot.  It's kind of a puzzle to figure out which one when.  That makes me difficult.  I like my alone time.  I like my quiet time.  I also like to go out with my girlfriends and some men apparently are threatened by that.  They don't like me going out with the girls.

I'll just say here, that i'm the one who growls at men who approach uninvited, and my girlfriends are all married.  Except me.  So if anyone is going to be a bad influence, it's me and i dont need to have witnesses.....i do better on my own. wink wink.  

Plus it's insulting to assume that the only reason i want to go out with my friends is because we are going to be man chasing.  Is that what he does when he's out with his friends?  If it is, i'll find out eventually and he won't be the man for me.  Unless he calls and invites me.

But thats a different story from a previous life.

I just don't see relationships like i used to.  And because of that, I'm doubtful that i'll ever happily be in one again.

I'm not giving up as much as putting it on the back burner.  I have a hot girl summer planned.  The beach, a book and drinks.....Utah, Florida, friends, my grandson arriving, being grandma and driving my kids crazy......thats the plan.

Where is there room for the bullshit that comes with a relationship.

"you didn't say goodnight".....I fell asleep.  "you fell asleep? I saw you on facebook"....Are you 12? GTFOH.  If i fall asleep without saying goodnight its not the end of the world.  But these men, they think it's a sign i'm cheating or i don't care.

I. won't. deal. with. this. shit.

Even the "nice" guys, don't hear me when i say "I want to stay home and read"......they say "you can read with me around i won't bother you"........and then, they talk to me.

horrible right? how dare they talk to me.  See? Difficult.  Reading isn't a group activity and neither is painting, or crafting ......it's a "in my head" time and when they "bother" me, it makes me bitchy.  Just leave me the fuck alone.  It's easy.

back to the point.  

Bad man Carlos has gotten me all worked up and thinking about the parts about a man i do miss.  The sexy time part.  The flirtation, the innuendos, the double entendres .....the tease.  The game where we both win.  Yes indeed i miss that a lot.

But not the stuff that comes with it when it's over.

why didn't i say goodnight.

Hopefully it's because he fucked the living daylights out of me.  Hows that for an answer?

I need a FWB.  

connection without control
desire without obligation
presence without pressure

I need some steady fun with someone i can trust and who needs the same thing. 

Where would i find one of those?  Lemme see if Carlos is around.........aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!

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