all aflutter

 i did it, took the initiative and applied for a lateral position where i work.  I don't have the degree to go any higher. 

I love my current job, but i've been catching on to the fact that my whole program is on the chopping block and they are just waiting for my boss to leave first. I sure as hell am not going to be the one to tell him that all his work is going down the chute. 

It is an incredibly intricate and difficult program, i'll say that.  And i know it inside and out.  Saying that, not one person from that office has invited me to a meeting or inquired about my suggestions on how to simplify it.

I am the pee on, and work with leadership.  They make random decisions and changes and don't think to ask the person who is doing the work.  

I spoke to my "new" current boss about what my position will look like when my "old" boss is officially gone.  No one knows what is going on, but everyone insists that i don't have to worry about it. 

YEah..........no.  This is my life. I'm grateful to be employed in a position that I applied for and got.  I'm not about doing whatever just to fit me in.  That is bullshit.  

So......after not sleeping and letting this really start to rip at me, i applied for another position.  I know all the departments.  I emailed the "boss" (trying to be discrete here) and asked a very obvious yet general question, letting my intentions be known, however, asking for descretion.  Got an immediate response with the information i was looking for.

Doesn't mean i will get the position.  I'll be surprised if it isn't already earmarked for someone in the department already doing the job.  HOWEVER, it does not hurt to put feelers out.  

Loyalty to my boss?  yes.  But i have yet to work for an institution that has loyalty to its employees.  The powers that be, and there are a lot of them, make decisions and don't think about fall out.  They just expect someone to handle it.

I do feel somewhat nauseaus, after applying.  I have as good a chance as any.  Just my current position alone is a recommendation.  I'm known.

If and when my boss talks to me about this, i will let him know that after our multiple conversations and all the reassurance in the world, i still have nothing concrete.  I need real answers and they are not forthcoming.  So i will look out for myself until i have them.  And then i will decided if what they have planned for me (they aren't even considering it yet i'm sure) isn't what i want to do......buh bye.

No regrets.

So much for finely landing in a position i love, doing what i love.  Time marches on and people retire, changes get made, and people like me get told what they are going to do moving forward.  Except i'm not much of a conformist.  I like having a choice in how i spend a minimum of 40 hours a week.

GOD i need to get laid.