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wake up to that.......

 I did not sleep well last night.  I tossed and turned, watched TV, tried to read, had a snack, and smoked a little smoke.......nothing was working.  I woke up around midnight like it was time to go to work....looked at my phone and there was a spicy message.

THAT is how i want to wake up.  

And go to sleep.

Oh, you naughty man.  Setting fires where you cannot put them out.  

I've been considering a FWB since the dating thing is a dead end.  Could i?  Without getting emotionally attached?  I think so.

I think back to how devastated i was when D and i broke up - it took me 10 years to finally not feel any way about it.  Now, i don't even know how i was with him in the first place.  If he approached me now, as he is, in his situation, i would not even talk to him.  We have literally nothing in common any more.

Except maybe motorcycles.  He drive, me ride.  I'd do that.  And i love him in a way we love somethign we've outgrown.  But relationship?  Friends is all, and thats just because we have history.

Bill had his dominant energy that i gravitated towards, his ability to literally move me......he was dangerous and toxic, and it was hot as hell.  But that kind of darkness doesn't feed the passion, it kills it after a while.  Trust is a huge part of letting loose. 

Carlos.  Rocked my world.  Was it because of the headspace i was in at the time?  The sex was incredible and the best i've ever had.  Ever.  He was so in tune.  We fit.  And we had the same energy.  I caught feelings and he did not.  

That was a long time ago in old people time.  I wonder if i could JUST have sex with him and not get attached.  Or to any male i start to be intimate with.....could i?  Should i?  

I may not like it, sam i am.  I may not like wam bam thank you man. 

ORrrrrr.

It may be the solution to my sleepless nights and occassional unbearable crankiness. 

Something to think about.

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